Really I do.
But I don't think I can explain it better than that meme up there.
It all started with Kip. Isn't that how it always goes? I have great intentions and then the baby has a rough night. Or rather, I have a rough night helping the baby to have a good night. Something like that. At any rate, I didn't get much sleep last night....
..."oh to sleep, perchance to dream..."
Wait, what? Sorry, my mind wandered.
Sleep. That's right. So Kip didn't want to sleep much (he must be going through a growth spurt because all he wants to do lately is to eat), and then right after I got him down, Keith woke up and I remember having a conversation with him, but I can't for the life of me remember a single thing he or I said. And then Beth came in at some point. I vaguely remember that, too. And then Kip woke up again, and then the alarm went off for Jeffrey to get up for work. His alarm is broken right now, so we were using the one on my phone. I rolled over to nudge him (He sleeps like a stone troll) and instead discovered Keith and Beth, and Kip in my bed, but no Jeffrey. I'm not exactly sure how that happened, but I got up and gingerly carried Kip to his bed, praying the whole time that he wouldn't wake up. And then I went back to sleep. I woke up when Jeffrey came through to get ready for work, but that was it. I was t-i-r-e-d with a capital T! Except around 8:30 Beth (the informer) came in to do her work. She told me that Vince had dumped two bowls of cereal all over the carpet downstairs. I groaned and then asked her if the cereal bowls had milk in them. Of course they did! She also informed me that they had eaten an entire carton of ice cream, and raided my purse and stolen and eaten my breath mints. Okay, they were candies. Mentos, if you must know. At any rate, I was not at all happy to wake up to all of that! It may have helped to sour my day.
I got up, the kids were bickering, and I don't know why, I just decided I needed to get out of the house. I told the kids I was leaving, got the baby and Vince ready, and they hurried themselves out to the van. We went to Joanne's to get some things for Christmas gifts that we are making because I had just gotten an email about nearly everything being 70% off!! And can I just say, when we walked in, the first two aisles were full of fall decor and it just made my heart all kinds of happy?! I really needed that. Apparently it was 109* at some point today, and seeing the promise of autumn and all things related did wonders for my mood!
We went home, and I decided it was time to get started on Faye's room. We were missing a library book and I really needed to find it. Also, half of Beth's shoes seem to have gone on walk abouts, and a good chunk of clothes and other things. Since she informed me today that she hasn't cleaned her room since she moved in, and she moved in a year ago, you can imagine the cringe levels! And so we got started.
That probably wasn't a wise choice on my part.
Knowing I was already tired, and knowing that my morning had not had a great beginning, I should have held off a day or two before buckling down and working on her room. But of course, I was determined and so I decided to do it.
Her room still isn't clean. We started it at 11 this morning, and it is now nearly 10 at night.
The good news, though, is it is very nearly clean. It should... should take her no more than 10 minutes to finish up tomorrow. Knowing her, though...
The whole time, I kept getting mad. I would yell and sigh, and I was not a nice mother. As I was acting like that, I kept looking at myself and asking myself what my problem was. But I couldn't seem to shake it. I hate it when I am like that. I know what I am doing is wrong, and yet I keep doing it. We did get her room re-arranged. I never helped her when she moved in since I was ridiculously pregnant and moving heavy furniture wasn't a great idea. Jeffrey helped her set up her room. I love that he did that with her. I love that he took the initiative and did what needed to be done when it was not something I could do. It has been in dire need of some reorganizing for about a year now, though. I helped Faye do that today, and she is so excited! As her floor slowly emerged, she kept doing little jumps and squeals. When we moved the furniture, her eyes went large and she couldn't believe how big her room suddenly felt! It was cute.
It was cute and because of my bad mood, I nearly missed recognizing it, and I completely dropped the ball on savoring it. I didn't express to her how I was so glad she could appreciate a clean room. I didn't express to her that she is fully capable of keeping it clean. Sigh. There are a lot of things about today I wish I could go back and change.
I did notice, however, that my neighbor has had a toddler bed out in her front yard for a few days. I messaged her and asked her if I could buy it from her, but instead she told me I could just have it. She is so sweet! Last week (or a few weeks ago, it's hard to remember details) I had gone in and deep cleaned Vince and Beth's room. I got rid of Beth's big bed, and we moved her back to a toddler bed. At the risk of embarrassing her here, she still wets the bed sometimes. I talked to her doctor about it, but he said it isn't anything to worry about. She just sleeps really soundly and deeply and so doesn't wake up to take herself to the bathroom. And I have been trying for quite some time to break her of the bedtime drink, to no avail. But I digress. Beth needed to have a plastic mattress again, so we moved her back to a toddler bed. She is so little still, it isn't that big of a deal. Except that the toddler bed we have for her is falling apart. All of the little slats that hold the mattress up have been broken and the mattress is at a huge risk of just falling through and to the floor.It used to be Vince's bed, but Adrienne found a racecar bed at the DI and so now he is in that, and we are slowly improving our bed situation for the kids. When Katie said I could have the bed, I was overjoyed! It is also a bit larger than a typical toddler bed, so it will last Beth a bit longer as well, which will be really nice. Hopefully it will work until she has fully outgrown that bad habit.
So Faye has a clean room, and Beth has a new bed.
Except I had turned into Miss Hannigan.
"Kill, kill kill!!"
Jeffrey got home from work today, though, and I told him I needed to leave. I also asked him about any local orphanages and if they accept donations (of children). Obviously I would never ever get rid of my kids. I love them far too much. Obviously. But today was a day that I just needed to be able to express my frustration. And so, he got home and I left. I took the library books back to the library, and I was going to go to get a new phone charger and some food for Jeffrey and me. Except Adrienne called me. We met up at my library, and then she took me to the wonders of the new library a town away. Oh my goodness!! I felt like Belle in a new age library. It was gorgeous and amazing, and when I found out I could have a card, even though I live in a different county, I was overjoyed. Wow! I cannot wait to go back, and I'm not sure I will take my children as it is now a happy place for me.
When I got home, I was understandably in a better mood. Because books!!! And the library has yoga classes, and tai chi, and so much more!!! Words fail me! I sat down with Kip, and rocked him to sleep while watching a British news show and laughing until my stomach hurt. Because the British do their news shows right!
It is amazing how just a little bit of alone time can be like magic for decompression. Or time with a best friend. And books! When I got home, Keith commented that I seemed to be much better and he was glad I was in a better mood.