I don't know how you people do it.
Really, I don't.
For years I was smug and silently judgmental (sadly it's true), but now, it has turned around and completely mocked me to shame.
It all began when I was pregnant with Beth. It was not an easy pregnancy. None of mine are. In order to function and not feel completely dead to the world, and to keep myself from staying in bed all day every day, I developed a little habit called caffeine.
Not in the form of cola, because I hate cola. It tastes awful to me. I don't know how you people stomach it (this time I am not being silently judgmental. I promise.). I went for the caffeine in Ruby Red Squirt. A bit of cherry and a bit of grapefruit? Yes please! And then I rediscovered the joys of nostalgic Sunkist. Yum! Both have a small amount of caffeine. The smallest in all the caffeinated beverages, so I didn't feel completely guilty because I was awfully proud of the fact that I didn't drink caffeine. The smug kind of proud. The kind where if you knew I was really that smug you probably wouldn't have wanted to be my friend anymore because it was kind of jerky.
And then I succumbed.
And I have been relying on caffeine for a while now. For nearly 2 years I hadn't had a decent night's sleep (until recently when my baby began sleeping through the night!) what with pregnancy (who can sleep during pregnancy, I mean really?) and a newborn who grew past newborn stage and just didn't believe in sleep. I relied on it heavily. It was like crack to me. If I didn't have it, I would make up excuses to go to the store and get some caffeine, and on the really severe nights, I would get a *gasp* Monster drink aka caffeine on caffeine.
Where oh where were my high ideals and morals?
I watched myself doing it with disgust, and continued defiantly.
Because I am even defiant to myself. I don't get that either.
Now, I say props to all you moms and dads who have developed the habit. Because you are surviving and functioning. Because you have to do what you have to do to stay awake and alert and able to operate.
And I say props to all you moms and dads who have kicked the habit. I feel your pain. I understand, now.I can sympathize, empathize. Crack for moms and dads. It is a hard habit to kick! It is so easy to justify going back to it because not every night is going to be a good night's sleep. And having to be present for children, and trying to get things done around the house is quite honestly a great huge joke if you didn't sleep the previous night.
And now, I repeat myself. I don't know how you people do it.
The people who have never yielded to the temptation of caffeine. And even more than that, those who have kicked it. Kudos to you! Thus far this week I have taken a nap as soon as Jeffrey got home from work because I just am so tired. I have been clean for 3 days now. I am anxious for the day when I can completely be rid of the siren's song called caffeine.
In other news, I have felt like a complete domestic goddess lately.
I got tired of the skimpy dresses that Faye has. Even when I buy them too big, they are too short for her to wear to church. So, two weeks ago I searched through my fabric stash and found some material. I decided to make a circle skirt for her. It turned out so cute! I didn't actually get a picture of the skirt, and she has lost it already (go figure. I guess that means it is time to clean her room?), but it is darling and it keeps her modest at church. She has an unquenchable desire to put her feet up on her chair, thus revealing the contents beneath her skirt to the world. We bought her some white shorts we have dubbed "undie hiders", but even while wearing those, it is discomfiting to see her sitting like that. In the circle skirt, she doesn't sit with her legs up at all. Win!
Yesterday and today I have spent the majority of my day in the kitchen baking bread and making strawberry jam. I will be making some more tomorrow as I have 4 more pounds of strawberries to use.
For some reason, all this domestication just makes me happy. I feel accomplished and old fashioned. And the best part? My kids are loving helping me in the kitchen! I am making Keith read the directions to me, and Faye practices her counting with measuring and stirring. Summer school. Who says it can't be fun?
It's been a while since I have said this, but I am honestly eager to go to bed so I can wake up tomorrow and see what the day brings.