I tried and tried to write this like a regular post, but in my head, and out of my fingers onto the keypad it kept coming out as a letter to you. Who am I to ignore fate?
I have been pondering on the lovely situation we have. Every morning from 8:00-11:00 is our time. It is the best time of the day because you and I and Beth get to spend it doing basically whatever you want, because Beth is usually sleep for half if not most of it anyway. I love this time with you and I really try to take advantage of it and cherish it because I know all too soon it will be gone. You will be in school and Beth will be napping less, so our one on one time will just fade into growing up.
You are such a morning person, and it makes me grin to see how happy you are in the mornings. You are so quick to be obedient. You get dressed when I ask you, and you have even begun to make your own bed, which I can't even tell you how happy that makes me. You make mornings so special and joyful.
At some point in the morning we usually get to play hair salon. You are so patient with me and let me do whatever I want to with your hair. You don't argue or complain when I tell you to tilt your head, or turn your head, or look up, or look down. You always do it so compliantly, and you never complain when your hair doesn't turn out as cute as we had hoped.
You are the best Diaper Duty helper I have ever had. You are always so eager and helpful when it comes to taking care of Beth, even when it is just changing her diaper. No matter how poopy or smelly her diaper is, you always throw it away for me, no grumbling included. Sometimes I feel bad for getting after you for putting your fingers or your nose in Beth's mouth. You love her so much and you just want to play, and you don't yet understand about personal space. Especially that babies need it.
You are such a sweet little mother to both Beth and your dollies. I love how tenderly you take care of your dolls. You make sure they are buckled in when we go in the car. You change their clothes every morning and night, you feed them, include them in your activities, and when we go for walks, you insist they come along and ride in the stroller with Beth. When you talk to them, you have such a funny high pitched voice you use, and it makes me laugh every time. I love that you make your dolls call me Grandma, and you drop them off for me to watch while you go to the store, or on a date with your imaginary husband. When you drop a doll, you always pick her up, rock her, kiss her owie better, and sing to her. It is the sweetest thing ever! You love Rapunzel the most, but you never leave out Maddie or Bobba, your other two dolls.
I love that you are concerned with the health of your fingernails.
We painted them the other day and noticed your cuticles are growing up. I showed you how to push them down, and told you that it is easiest right after your bath. You can just use a bath towel and it will make it so much easier. You now want to take a bath every night, just so you can push down your cuticles after. I love that when we paint your nails, we sit on the kitchen floor, right in front of the door so the sun is on my back and your nails are in the sunshine, easy to see, and easy to dry. Even though the paint seems to chip off after a few hours, you don't care. You think it is best that way, because it means the next day you will get a new color.
I love that you keep me company while I clean. You nearly always want to be in the same room with me, and you talk and talk and talk and rarely let me answer because you just like to talk so much. I have a hard time remembering to help you say your r's and your l's and your th's because you are so cute when you talk. You use big words and you are very affluent and it sounds so adorable coming out of your mouth. But when I do correct you, you try so hard to get the letters right and you are never upset with me for it.
While Keith is at school, and Beth is napping, we get to cuddle up on the couch and read, just the two of us.
We almost always read Hansel and Gretel and We Help Mommy. Those are your favorite books. It makes me happy because I remember reading that same Hansel and Gretel book when I was a kid. The pictures fascinated me, and I would look at them for hours. I remember loving that book when I was so small I couldn't read, too. When we finish reading We Help Mommy, you always ask me if you can help me clean, or if we can make a pie or a treat for Daddy, just like they do in the book. I love that it is such a great influence on you!
You love to be outside. Especially if you are moving.
Climbing a tree or racing around the circle on your scooter, or even just running. You don't care, as long as you are moving. You always call for me to come watch you, or to take a picture. I have to check myself and not tell you a million times a day to be careful. I have to discipline myself to not race out and make you come down when you are so high in the tree. I have to remember that even though you have no fear, you are a kid, and you are exploring your world. I used to jump off my roof when I was just a little older than you are. I am sure if my mother had known she would have had a conniption and grounded me to the ground for the rest of my life. You are invincible when you are four, or so it seems.
I thought that, and I am so glad you thought that, even though it makes me nervous.
You love to draw, and right now your favorite medium is chalk. On anything. The house. The sidewalk. The fence. The shed. The road. You even tried to draw on the van, but I saw and stopped you. You then asked me to draw a frog eating a fly, and you thought it was the greatest thing ever. And then you asked me to draw a pony. When I finished, you surveyed it with your head tilted to the side. After a moment, you said "That is so sad, Mommy. It doesn't look like a pony at all. It's legs must have been cut off because those ones are too short." and then you took the chalk from me and turned it into an alicorn. Rainbow Dash, to be exact. Even though she is just a pegasus, you insisted she have a horn and be an alicorn. I have to admit, it was far better than my sorry excuse for a pony.
I am your favorite person.
You get very upset if I ever leave without you giving me a big hug and kiss first. Last Saturday I was gone for an hour. As I was leaving, you were going downstairs. I called out goodbye to you, and you shouted "Goodbye!" right back to me. Two minutes later, as I was driving out of the neighborhood, you called me in hysterics. "I... (hiccup)... didn't... (hiccup)... get... (hiccup)... to... (hiccup)... give... (hiccup)... you... (hiccup)... a... (hiccup)... hug... (hiccup)... and...(hiccup)... kiss... (hiccup)... before... (hiccup)... you... (hiccup)... left... (hiccup)... meeeeeeee! (sob). I tried to comfort you, but you would not be comforted. You are the reason your Daddy doesn't like it when I have activities and leave you and your brother and sister with him. Because you panic and cry for so hard and for so long when I leave you. And although I feel bad that you feel so bad about it, my goodness, it makes me feel so good to be loved that much. You want to be with me all the time, everywhere I go. If I ever go somewhere and give you the option of coming, you always say yes. And when I don't give you the option, you act as if the world has ended because you can't be with me. When I come back home, you always give me the sweetest tightest embrace with a heart wrenching "I missed you, Mommy. I thought you weren't coming back for me." Obviously we need to work on that with you, but I think you don't really believe it, you just say it. Because you always follow it with "Oh yeah, grownups always come back. But I just missed you so much."
Faye girl, I just love you to bits and pieces and all over again.
I want to make this so much longer than it is, telling you so much more about your little 4 and a half self, but I am falling asleep. I do promise, though, that I will write another letter to you when I am not so tired, so that you can know just exactly how special you are and how you light up my day and how much I love you.