For Posterity

Beth is one of the sweetest happiest babies I have ever encountered.

She is simply wonderful.

But I am now over the lack of sleep.

More on that later.

First, I want to tell you about something someone said to me in passing, which turned out to be one of the best compliments I have ever received.

Yesterday there was a Relief Society meeting (church Women's group) that I really wanted to attend, but very nearly didn't because Beth hadn't slept the night before (which means I hadn't slept).  I was very tired, but to be quite frank, I was on edge as I had been cooped up with the kids, and me having very little sleep. Even though it meant I wouldn't be going to bed as early as I had hoped, I decided to go after all, just to get out and get some peace of mind.  I can only take so much, without rest, you know.

I walked in, waved at my cousin (she is in my ward.  Yay!) sat down and listened to the presentations. When it was over, I sat down with my cousin and we began to talk.  And talk.  And talk.  It was wonderful to get caught up with her!  In the course of our conversation, she mentioned that she had been talking with her sister that day and wondered if she should call to invite me.  Her sister had said to not worry about it, I would be there.  I was a part of my parent's family.  Such a wonderful compliment to my parents, I thought. It quite made my night.  After that, my cousin and I ran errands and chatted until late into the night.  Until Jeffrey flashed the porch light on us, which made me laugh because that was my mom's signal for me to come in when I was in the car chatting after a date.

Yes chatting.

Nothing else.

Apparently Beth had been crying for the past hour and a half.  She was hungry.  She usually sleeps from 7:00 on, but last night she had decided to wake up.  But it was fine because I was desperately in need of sleep.

Which brings us back to Beth and her refusal to sleep.

I feel like I keep complaining about this, but I don't mean to complain.  I just know that one day I will be grateful I documented the hard times as well as the good.  I know that one day, years and years (and years) from now, I will look back on these times of no sleep and for some strange reason, with fondness, I will remember these times.  I will remember how hard it was when Beth refused to sleep.  When her tiny hands would claw at my face out of frustration and tiredness.  I will smile about the hours during the days and nights of just holding her and praying over and over that she would just go to sleep so I could get some sleep, or make dinner, or clean the house, or read to the kids, or cuddle with Faye at her request.  I won't feel guilty at that point in time, like I do now.  But you know what, even though I can't do all those other things, I sure do love the holding of that sweet little baby.  I love seeing her gorgeous deep eyes watching mine.  I love that when she cries, she now cries "mamamamamama".  That just melts my heart down into my feet.  I love feeling her head snuggled into the crook of my neck and her breath on my skin.  Her sweet smell and most of all her smiles and her giggles.

I love that I get to hold her and love on her so much.  Although this little post has taken me three hours to write due to her interruptions, I love it in my tired sleepless state.

So, just to clarify, not complaining, documenting.

For posterity.


I miss my late night visits with my boy. I loved holding him, snuggling. I often fell asleep in his rocker, arms around my little man. I miss it terribly. Because now he sleeps. And doesn't need middle of the night mommy time anymore.
Emmy said…
So fun that you are in the same ward as your cousin. Totally important to document the good and the bad so that way it is more real and others can realize, hey it's okay I can get through this.

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