Monday, August 1, 2011

My Brilliant Rain

The days of summer are magical.

Which is why I feel guilty

I am having serious fall longings.

It all started on a lovely day last week.
The children were outside playing in the pool, and I was relaxing under a tree with my book.  Beneath the cover of the tree, the weather was perfect.  A slight breeze smelled like fall.  Not the cool crisp autumn, but the change of seasons smell.  September.  Where the weather is still warm, but an innuendo of crispy days whet my senses.
And now, I can hardly stand it.  I just inherited a ton of clothes, many of them were fall clothes, and I am saving up money for my annual Fall drive.  It is like a  Mecca pilgrimage for me.
It is hard for me to be patient.  I try and try but somehow my fall decor makes it up around the middle of August.  I am an impatient person.

Which is why sometimes living in the moment is so important.

Today was beautiful.  The sky was overcast all day long.  After church we all snuggled down and took a nap together.  Or tried.  It is hard to nap with Faye's feet in the stomach, but watching her sleep is as peaceful as it gets, quite honestly.  I didn't mind missing out a bit on the family nap.  When we got up, we opened all the windows and doors, and let that fresh breeze waft through the house.  I made no bake cookies.  Er, attempted to.
I don't get it.  No bakes are the easiest cookie on the planet to make.  They are also Jeffrey's favorite.  I used to be a pro at making them, but since I got married, I have not made a single identifiable batch.  I can make difficult desserts, but no bakes are always a fail.

Not that it mattered.  The kids enjoyed eating the crumbly mess while I cleaned up.

And then the rain started.

Faye was the first to notice.  She ran to the screen door, and started to dance and announce at the top of her voice "Rain!!!  Rain, Mommy, rain!  Keithy, Rain!  Rain!  Rain!!!"
We changed her out of her dress, and into some play clothes, and she immediately rushed out into the light drizzle.  She ran around, face lifted to the sky, only closing her eyes when water tried to get in.  She screamed with delight and laughter as she stomped in the puddles.
Continually running to the door and begging Keith to join her, I had to smile.  She is all my girl.  Keith steadfastly declined and watched from the safety of the kitchen.  I dried my hands off, hitched up my pant legs, and rushed out into the rain with her.
Oh to be a child again.  The carefree and safe world are exquisite to them.  Holding her hand, I got to remember the excitement and the hours I spent in the rain as a child.  It is a miracle I never developed pneumonia.  We ran around the yard, spun in circles, splashed, and twirled.
 It was wonderful.  The smell was nostalgia and discovery.  After playing for a bit, Jeffrey wanted me to grill some hamburgers.
By Seven o'clock, the mixture of fresh summer rain, and hamburgers on the grill permeated the house, and more than likely the neighborhood.  We were all in great spirits as we ate dinner together.  An impromptu wrestling match followed between the kids and their father while I cleaned up the kitchen.

Listening to their squeals, smelling Summer, and busily wiping down the counters, I had a realization.  Days like today, moments like that, are a gift to us.  A gift which binds us closer together and fortifies us against all outside forces.  There are many things in our lives right now which could pull us apart.  Many things to cause contention and frustration.  But we have it in us to choose.  The more we choose love and togetherness the more strength we will have to surmount every personal Everest.

I am happy.

I have been pondering my situation lately.  It is so easy to get depressed about things.  Jeffrey is still looking for a job, which has forced me to work.  Leaving the kids every day just hurts.  I don't know how working moms do it, I really don't.  Living with my inlaws, depending on the charity and hospitality of others is humbling and difficult.

There are so many reasons for me to be brooding.  So many reasons for me to be unsatisfied with life.

But then days like today happen, and I am so thankful for my little family and the strength they give to me.  The laughter of my children is a promise to me that it will be all right.  They are happy.  And if they are happy, it means I am doing my job right.  The future looks so much brighter after a good rain, right?  And today was my brilliant rain.  In more ways than one.

There are so many reasons for me to be happy.  So many reasons for me to be satisfied with life.

And I am.
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