Thursday, July 14, 2011

Bittersweet, but Not Like Chocolate

Bittersweet today.

Can't really tell if I like those days or not.

The sweet part is always nice, but the bitter sometimes cancels it out.

I didn't have to go in to work until 8 tonight.

Which meant, I could do something I had long since missed.

7:00 rolled around, and I scooped up little Faye.  She curled into me, and smiled.

We went downstairs, and she excitedly jumped on Keith's bed.  She loves real beds.  She is so ready to be out of a crib.

Soon, my Princess.


We read stories, brushed teeth, said prayers, and then it was time for bed.  I laid her down, and she refused to let go of my neck.  I didn't have the heart to disentangle her, so I scooped her up again, sat down on the bed, and snuggled.  I rocked her, and sang to her and watched as she slowly drifted off to sleep.  Her little fluttering eyes, and the way she kept trying to snuggle in closer and closer made my heart pitter patter.

I miss those moments.  I miss giving kisses and being the last one my little darlings see before they close their eyes for the night.

Keith was much the same.  I rocked him, read to him, and sent him to bed.  He didn't want to go, either, so we rocked and sang.

These are the moments of motherhood.

These are moments that break my heart to miss.  I really don't know how working moms do it.  I don't know how they can bear to leave their precious ones in the arms of strangers and miss out on the quiet moments that so often are forgotten, that are overlooked, and taken for granted.

All I can say is, I certainly have a new love for weekends.

Anxiously praying and waiting for the day Jeffrey finds a job.  Sigh.

Bittersweet indeed.


Susan Anderson said...

That would be very hard to be gone at bedtime. But it might help to think of this as a time Jeffrey can forge a special bond with them that dads and kids don't always get to share.

And I'll be praying for you that a job comes his way very soon.


Francisca and Chris said...

I've always been a working mom. It is what has had to be done for our family. Honestly it is heartbreaking. I am blessed every day that I have a nanny who truly does love my children with her whole heart (she started when the twins were in the NICU and she lives for those kids). If she didn't I don't know if I could do this.

I really pray for you often!!! I pray that these trials will soon pass and you can go back to being a full time mom as I know you born to do. Hang in there and remember that your children are surrounded by love.

Terra said...

Ahh, make the most of the sweet moments and put the bitter in a place that you try not to look for!

Lisa said...

So sweet. Enjoy those moments! They don't come around often, even when you do have the chance to be home with them!!!

Noodle said...

I like what sue said... This is such a great time for the kids to make special bonds with Daddy... My kids get so much more daddy time when I do the fair... It kinda forces him to step up and take part... (my hubby needs that some times) Plus it reminds us not to take the little things for granted =)

Emmy said...

So glad you got to have that moment- and you know I bet in the end you will be an even better mom for it as you will truly appreciate all of the time with them

Lourie said...

I will work if I have to...just like you are doing now. It is so hard to do. Hang in there.