Monday, January 24, 2011

Just a Little Bit Longer

Saturday night, as I was finishing up reading, Faye woke up.  I heard a soft pitiful cry coming from her room.  So soft, it was as if she were testing the waters, seeing if anyone was up and would come to her rescue.  A quiet pause, and then another soft and sleepy cry.  For a brief moment, I thought about ignoring it.  She would go back to sleep without me, I knew.

And then, as if propelled by maternal instincts alone, I put down my book, and went into her room.  She looked surprised to see me since I rarely let her get up during the night.  I was surprised to find her sitting up, in the furthest corner, rubbing her eyes.  She looked so forlorn.

I scooped her up, and stood by her bedside holding her, as she rested her forehead on my cheek.  She rubbed and rubbed her left eye with her left hand for a long time.  Then, she switched hands and eyes, never once lifting her head from my cheek.  The sweet baby smell filled my heart and I wanted the moment to last forever.

I decided she was probably thirsty so took her into the kitchen to get a drink.  She didn't want it so I drank it instead while she watched me out of her bleary eyes.

"Mommy" they pled, "just take me back to bed!"

Back in the quiet of her room, we sat in her rocker and rocked.  I wrapped the old faded pink blanket around her (mine from when I was a baby) and quietly sang her lullaby.  I stroked her soft cheek and willed her to stay awake as I didn't want to leave.  She snuggled in close to me, nestling her head, and sighed. I relaxed my chin down on the top of her head.   Oh to be a baby again.  I was glad I could make her feel so safe.  The heater radiated warmth enveloping both of us in a moment.

A moment of peace and serenity.  A connection that can only be felt by mothers and daughters; so different from the connection shared with a mother and son.

She sighed another happy sigh and drifted off.  I could feel her body relax in my arms.  I could feel the tension and cares leave her as she snuck off to the dreamland inhabited by only the innocent.  I held her for a bit longer.  I didn't want to put her back.  I cannot believe how big she is getting.  She no longer fits so completely in my arms.  Her arms and legs spill out over my embrace and it saddens me just a little.

I need to do this more often.  So I can keep her little just a bit longer.

In my heart.

In my mind.

In my arms.
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