Friday, March 26, 2010

Flashing the Headlights

I love breastfeeding.

I guess it is because Keith wouldn't breastfeed.  I felt like a failure with him.  I felt like I was a horrible mother.  I wasn't good enough to be able to give him my milk, I had to rely on formula for the life of my child.  Every time I saw a mother breastfeeding her child I felt so sad.

Now in his defense, they gave him a bottle in the NICU before they gave me a chance to feed him.  They then told me giving him formula would help get him out of the NICU faster so I consented.  He was also tounge tied which inhibited his suck reflex.  I guess everything was against me with him.

I tried to breast feed, I really did.  I tried so hard.  For six months.  I went to so many La Leche League consultants.  I read so many books.  I spent so many hours crying out of frustration and self loathing.  Why couldn't I even feed my own son?  It was not a fun road.

That is part of the reason I did things so differently with Faye.  I desperately wanted to breast feed her.

And she is doing great!

But this is the part where I have to send out a formal apology to my family.

While I was visiting with my family, I hid Faye under a blanket to feed her.  And then the show began. 

There was a comfortable buzz of conversation going on around me.  I was watching and listening, but at that point not taking an active part in the conversation.  Faye was doing great with her dinner.  But then things went south.  She reached up, grabbed the blanket, and yanked it down.  With my ninja skills, I grabbed it up again, but it was too late.  The headlights had been flashed.  The milk machines were unveiled.  I don't think anyone saw, but that was about the time my brother in law left the room.  So, for anyone who got more than they bargained for that night, I submit my apology, and am looking around for a hooter hider {is that really what they are called?}.  Either I am going to make one, or buy one, but I will have one very soon.

Because that, my friends, is the reward of breastfeeding a very curious baby.
Post a Comment