Thursday, January 28, 2010

A Love Unrequited

Loving an inanimate object is sometimes very discouraging. It cannot love you back. You put so much time and energy into your love for it, and you get nothing in return, just a lot of wasted time.

Yet that doesn't stop us from loving inanimate objects.

I adore my house. It was built in 1954 and I just love the quaint architecture all over. It has so much character, and more than that, it has so many memories.

I love the bookshelf built into the back of the cupboards in the living room. I love the layout. I love the hall cupboards and drawers. I love all the dinners I have prepared in my small kitchen. I love that we eat on the floor every day because we have no room for a dinning room table. I love that Keith thinks it is a picnic at every meal. I love the forts we have made with the blankets, and the clothes lines I rigged up in the backyard. I love the hammock that swings beneath the cherry tree and the apricots that made us jam. I don't know how I will live without the mint that grows instead of grass along the fence. A huge bush lining the whole fence providing us with herbs for tea in the winter, and flavoring our food so naturally. The blackberry bush with a will to live despite us trying to pull it up and hack it to pieces so we could have a garden. I just love my house! Even though it is small, and we have long since outgrown in, I still love it, and it makes me sad that I am going to have to say goodbye.

Over the years we have lived here (3) we have put so much into this house. We have painted the walls, gardened, and made it our home. We have brought two children home from the hospital and into these walls to feel our love. We have been safe from the elements (except the cold... that just seems to be able to seep past all our safe gaurds) and honestly, very happy in this little home.

Currently, we are painting, and remodeling, and frankly, I am jealous.

I don't want to leave after all the work we put into it. I don't want to leave after we get it perfect. I especially don't want to leave my ward and the many friends I have made here.

And yet....

The unknown beckons me. It calls to me, and with a heart full of excitement, I have to listen. I have to answer. My restless spirit cannot ignore such a call.

Although we will be leaving something that has been so good to us over the first years of our marriage, the promise of a new tomorrow pulls me forward.

And though we are hoping for a quick sell, I have to say, I sure will enjoy living in the house that is finally all put together even for just a few days.

And one day in the very near future, I will get to start all over. I will get to pick out new paint colors, I will get to arrange things differently, and I will get to meet new people.

And though wherever we go will not be able to love me back, my mark will be made, and I will feel fulfilled by loving something so completely, despite the fact my love will never be returned.

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