I Don't Know You
I discovered a new occupant in our house on Saturday.
I don't know her.
She is mean.
She is impatient.
She is demanding.
And she looks a whole lot like me.
But I don't know her.
She seems to be taking over here, and since I do not know her, I have no way of combating her.
She is full of frustration.
She demands perfection.
And she seems to be setting up to stay for a long while.
I really don't know what is happening. I hear the words coming out of my mouth, and am shocked by them. I feel the tiredness and annoyance bubbling up out of me, and yet cannot stop it. Who is this horrible woman who has decided to inhabit my body? Who is this person who is so awful to those I love most? I don't even know her. I do my best to keep her at bay, and to find ways to make her leave me, but as of yet, she is taking over.
Tonight I decided to take a rest from cleaning and do a little bit of pampering. I pulled out my foot bath and my Satin Hands and went to town.
My feet feel great. My hands finally are not feeling so chaffed. But my heart. My head. My spirit still belong to her.
Sunday night I spent a good hour at my parent's house playing the piano. I miss music, and that used to be one of my releases. It felt wonderful. But it wasn't enough. I was unable to go up into the mountains this weekend, which is another of my releases. I am running out of ideas here. Really, Jeffrey and I talked about me going up to visit my sister in a neighboring state. Just for a few days to give me a change of scenery. I hate to leave him, but I am beginning to see wisdom in just getting out for a few days. But again, I really hate to leave Jeffrey. I know he is a big boy and can take care of himself, but really, one can only live on pb&j and cereal can only feed one for so long before the intestines decide to back up.
I also decided that I am going to take the kids out every day after their naps. It is more so for my sanity than theirs. I am hoping this will restore me to my usual temperament, because I don't know her, and I very much don't like her.
For spiritual enlightenment go here.
I don't know her.
She is mean.
She is impatient.
She is demanding.
And she looks a whole lot like me.
But I don't know her.
She seems to be taking over here, and since I do not know her, I have no way of combating her.
She is full of frustration.
She demands perfection.
And she seems to be setting up to stay for a long while.
I really don't know what is happening. I hear the words coming out of my mouth, and am shocked by them. I feel the tiredness and annoyance bubbling up out of me, and yet cannot stop it. Who is this horrible woman who has decided to inhabit my body? Who is this person who is so awful to those I love most? I don't even know her. I do my best to keep her at bay, and to find ways to make her leave me, but as of yet, she is taking over.
Tonight I decided to take a rest from cleaning and do a little bit of pampering. I pulled out my foot bath and my Satin Hands and went to town.
My feet feel great. My hands finally are not feeling so chaffed. But my heart. My head. My spirit still belong to her.
Sunday night I spent a good hour at my parent's house playing the piano. I miss music, and that used to be one of my releases. It felt wonderful. But it wasn't enough. I was unable to go up into the mountains this weekend, which is another of my releases. I am running out of ideas here. Really, Jeffrey and I talked about me going up to visit my sister in a neighboring state. Just for a few days to give me a change of scenery. I hate to leave him, but I am beginning to see wisdom in just getting out for a few days. But again, I really hate to leave Jeffrey. I know he is a big boy and can take care of himself, but really, one can only live on pb&j and cereal can only feed one for so long before the intestines decide to back up.
I also decided that I am going to take the kids out every day after their naps. It is more so for my sanity than theirs. I am hoping this will restore me to my usual temperament, because I don't know her, and I very much don't like her.
For spiritual enlightenment go here.
Comments
A really good idea to do that for yourself. I need to as well. Will keep you in my prayers.
i wish i had more advice for you...but know that you're not alone. :o*
I'd give you advice but you have 2 kids and so I don't feel experienced enough to qualify as a good advice giver in your behalf. But I send air hugs your way!
thanks for the reminder to be nice to those we love.
I found out for me that aromatherapy works wonders. There's a lotion at Bath and Body works called "Relax" It's eucalyptus and spearmint. Leise calls it my happy lotion and will gladly apply it all over my arms and legs when she sees me getting grumpy. Give it a try. Hopefully you'll find your release soon. Love ya much!
But don't worry.. this bad person can go away, it just takes a lot of work and knowing that asking for help and a break is okay and necessary. And praying daily that you won't go crazy. :)
Good luck! You can do it!!!
As for getting way for a few days, DO it; your husband will manage just fine with the boys, I promise. and it will be good for ALL of you.
You are adjusting to having two kids. It takes a few months. But it will eventually become second nature.
In the meantime, just do your best. You'll make the leap gradually, without even knowing it. One day, you will just feel like you've got your mojo back.
=)
Hopefully things will be better for you.