Headaches and Smiles

Be forewarned, I have a headache and that always makes me slightly more cynical and grouchy.
Also we have been having issues with our Internet provider and it had been gone all day. More headache.

What a wonderful year 2009 was. I can't wait to start my resolutions but I fear for them. I have a horrible habit of starting a project and leaving off half way through. Case in point; my monthly gratitude posts. I got to June, I think. That is the sixth month of the year, which is exactly half way through. Unless I can change that, my resolutions are doomed. Maybe I should make that a resolution? Maybe next year. I am already busy enough with my goals for this year.

Last night was nothing special. Jeffrey was busy with work on his computer, so I spent a lot of my time with Faye's erratic eating pattern she wanted to try out. It gave me a lot of time to think. Eventually I found myself writing down thoughts which seemed justified in becoming my goals for the new year. I mapped out how I am going to achieve them, so they aren't just grand aspirations, rather I have a comprehensive plan. I am actually excited to get to it.

• I decided I am going to fit into my wedding dress by the fall.

We never did get pictures of me in my dress at the Temple since it was -6* outside when I got married. And then I got pregnant. When I was getting close to that size again, I got pregnant again, and again. So, this year I am not going to get pregnant (silly goal, I know but there it is) and I am going to get pictures taken in my dress at the temple. I now have a few more wrinkles and a few more grey hairs, but nothing a little hair coloring can't fix. I think it will be fun! And I need to get into it soon, or I will look so much older it will be weird.

• I am going to take more pictures of my family. Me included.

I figured out something silly the other day. When I see myself, or think of myself, I see/think of how I used to be. I see the thin me. I don't see the baby weight me. Really, when I look in the mirror, I see me how I used to be. And sometimes I will suddenly see me how I really am now. And I hate it. I get a little depressed and stay that way until I forget and see myself how I have always been. Weird, I know. Because of that, I hate having pictures taken of me. I can't fool myself in pictures like I can in a mirror. So I am going to be included in pictures taken of my family. Every day.

• I want to create something at least once a week.
  
• As well as read more,
  
• and spend time outside every day.
  

We bought Keith some snow boots today. Finally, I know. But now that he has some, we will be able to play in the snow more often. His poor toes wont get so cold.

• I am going to have a morning devotional with myself everyday while I feed Faye as that tends to be her longest feeding.
  

I have a few other goals, but they are a little more personal. But the most important goal I have is to

• just let it go.
  

If I don't accomplish something one day, I need to not obsess over my failure. I need to not get down on myself. I need to just let it go, and do better the next day.

Keith's goals this year are to make his bed every day and learn something new every day. Yes, he did have help setting those goals. But they help me so I think they are great (am I selfish or what?) I will have a cleaner house as a result of him making his bed every day- one less thing I will have to do. Also, I will have to spend more productive time with him. I will have to actually have a focus for at least some of the time we are playing. Great goals for him, I think.


When I finished my goals, Jeffrey and his impeccable timing walked into the room. We decided since there was only 30 minutes left until the new year, we would watch an episode of The IT Crowd and then go to sleep. Very exciting, I know. We like to live life on the edge. We kissed at 12:00 and then went to bed. What an exciting way to start the year, hu?

But really, the new year came in absolutely beautiful for me. Bright and earlier than I should have been awake, Faye got hungry so I got up to feed her. It was one of those half awake feedings where I have short dreams and wish I were in a horizontal rather than vertical position. But soon enough, my eyes were open and I was laughing.

Faye was not eating. She simply wanted to play. She grinned and smiled, and even giggled a little bit. Aren't baby giggles the best sound in the world? Now this was a big deal, because it has been hard to get her to really smile at us. She watches us intently, and occasionally a smile will grace her lips, but it is very infrequent. Not this morning, or the rest of the day, though. She has been all smiles and cuddles.

Do you know the feeling you get when you just know someone is watching you? It is the weirdest sensation in the world. I have been getting it more and more frequently. Tonight I figured out what it was. Faye has taken to gluing her eyes to my face. She rarely looks away when I am holding her, or even when I am near. I love it! She is more insistent on being with me than Keith was. I love it!


So, the smiles have counteracted the headaches, thus making today simply marvelous. I am hoping this is foreshadowing for the rest of the year! I hope your headaches all turn into smiles as well! Happy New Year!