Monday, November 2, 2009

What Happened When My Navel Moved Out

I have a hypothesis.

I believe the changing of the bellybutton creates changes in that person's balance, center of gravity, and even memory.

Allow me to explain.

I have had an innie my whole life. I rather liked it. It was not just your regular innie, either. It was a deep one. I could put my pinkie finger in it up to the first knuckle. I loved that. It made me a bit of a freak, but I am the only one I know who could do it, so I was proud of my little innie.

And then I got pregnant with Keith. The belly button moved outward. It never became an outie, but it was a lot closer than ever before.

During my pregnancy I noticed I had lost my brain. My mind no longer worked, and I couldn't even remember names of people I had known my whole life. I took a nutrition class on line. It was horrible. I think I got the worst grade of my life in that class. I couldn't remember anything I had learned. I am not even sure I did learn anything, though I tried hard. But I didn't trip on things, I didn't fall over, I just had frequent brain farts.

And then it came back to me as my navel returned to its original place.

And now I am pregnant again.

This time my belly button has completely moved out of its little cave. It waves to the world through my shirt, letting everyone see exactly where it is on my stomach.

This time around, I have balance issues, clumsiness problems, and my mind has long since left me to fend for myself. I have the worst time coming up with words now. Even simple every day words. Like the word door. I am found stuttering

"That thing. You know, the one that closes? It is on the house. You have to walk through it to get inside or outside. That thing!"

and people are left wondering about my sanity.

I have broken nearly half of our dishes as I tried to clean. I have dropped dinner on the floor many many times. I have knocked things over with my belly, along with flailing arms. I have nearly fallen off the porch at my parents house simply by trying to walk in through their... you know, that thing. I counted today, and I have tripped and fallen no less than four times. I have bruises on my arms legs and belly.

And all this because my belly button decided it wanted to move out and see the world.

I can't wait for it to grow lonely and move back in. I don't think my body can handle the bumps and bruises, our stomachs the floor flavored food, or the people around me the constant forgettence (I can't remember what word to put here so instead I made up my own. Really. I am not just doing this to prove a point. Besides, who says forgettence can't be a word?) of words.

Come back, little belly button, come back! I need you! I never knew what an important part of my well being and sanity you were. I promise I wont neglect you ever again just let me have my brain and my balance and grace back!

What about you? Does your belly button change your .... and I forgot the word again.

I was going to google some images of belly buttons, but got a lot of inapropriate pictures, so decided to leave it. Besides, everyone knows what innies and outies look like.
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