I am an Elephant
I went in for another check up today.
As I drove home I remembered a night two weeks ago. I was sitting on my bed. The lights were out, Keith was in bed and it was our time. Jeffrey had been studying in the living room and I was sitting in the mess I like to call my bedroom. I looked around me and the hormones kicked in.
Or I should say the tears started to flow.
Jeffrey heard the sniveling and came into the room. He tenderly took me in his arms and just held me tight (isn't it wonderful how that always works?). He asked me why I was crying (he is very patient with me) and waited as I tried to control myself enough to verbalize my fears.
Trying to say it out loud made it worse, though.
"I am going to be p-p-pregnant forever! I don't want to be pregnant anymore. I-I-I am an elephant! I am going to be pregnant for 18-22 months, and she is never going to come. It's just a me-me-mean joke being played on meeeee. I am never going to hold her, and am going to walk around with a huge belly, dropping things, runn-i-i-ing into things and always pregnant for the rest of my liiiiife!"
As I drove home today, these very thoughts were bouncing around my head.
She is measuring 38 weeks 5 days. 7lbs 6 oz and as comfortable in that little uterus as she could be. No signs of ever wanting to leave (could this possibly be a foreshadow of when she grows up and doesn't want to move out when she is older?). I have basically had no change for three weeks. I have been at a 4 and 75-80% effaced this whole time.
I guess technically she isn't due until the 30th of November, and I would prefer she be completely healthy when she is born, so if that is what is necessary, she can stay in there, but really? Why did my body have to start giving signs of an eviction? Soon?
So I have been home for a few hours now, and had the munchies the whole time. Nothing seemed to fix it. I ate cereal, cheese, water. Nothing was taking the munchies away. And then I figured it out. My body wanted something I really don't like. Chocolate! So I dug into the freezer and pulled out the chocolate chips.
Blech!
I really didn't like them at all.
And then I remembered it.
A king size Snickers hiding away in the closet. It was being saved for the rush to the hospital. I hear they don't let you have food. My midwife said I could have some so long as no one saw it. The nurses would freak out.
It was calling to me. Reminding me that I am an elephant. The candy bar will be old by the time the baby is born, so I might as well eat it now.
And then I ate it.
And all was right with the world.
I can be patient again.
As I drove home I remembered a night two weeks ago. I was sitting on my bed. The lights were out, Keith was in bed and it was our time. Jeffrey had been studying in the living room and I was sitting in the mess I like to call my bedroom. I looked around me and the hormones kicked in.
Or I should say the tears started to flow.
Jeffrey heard the sniveling and came into the room. He tenderly took me in his arms and just held me tight (isn't it wonderful how that always works?). He asked me why I was crying (he is very patient with me) and waited as I tried to control myself enough to verbalize my fears.
Trying to say it out loud made it worse, though.
"I am going to be p-p-pregnant forever! I don't want to be pregnant anymore. I-I-I am an elephant! I am going to be pregnant for 18-22 months, and she is never going to come. It's just a me-me-mean joke being played on meeeee. I am never going to hold her, and am going to walk around with a huge belly, dropping things, runn-i-i-ing into things and always pregnant for the rest of my liiiiife!"
As I drove home today, these very thoughts were bouncing around my head.
She is measuring 38 weeks 5 days. 7lbs 6 oz and as comfortable in that little uterus as she could be. No signs of ever wanting to leave (could this possibly be a foreshadow of when she grows up and doesn't want to move out when she is older?). I have basically had no change for three weeks. I have been at a 4 and 75-80% effaced this whole time.
I guess technically she isn't due until the 30th of November, and I would prefer she be completely healthy when she is born, so if that is what is necessary, she can stay in there, but really? Why did my body have to start giving signs of an eviction? Soon?
So I have been home for a few hours now, and had the munchies the whole time. Nothing seemed to fix it. I ate cereal, cheese, water. Nothing was taking the munchies away. And then I figured it out. My body wanted something I really don't like. Chocolate! So I dug into the freezer and pulled out the chocolate chips.
Blech!
I really didn't like them at all.
And then I remembered it.
A king size Snickers hiding away in the closet. It was being saved for the rush to the hospital. I hear they don't let you have food. My midwife said I could have some so long as no one saw it. The nurses would freak out.
It was calling to me. Reminding me that I am an elephant. The candy bar will be old by the time the baby is born, so I might as well eat it now.
And then I ate it.
And all was right with the world.
I can be patient again.
Comments
She'll be here soon enough.
November 28th would be a good day, that is my daughter's birthday :)
If the wait gets you down again you could always try reverse psychology on yourself. For instance, pat or rub your belly and say to the baby, "don't worry, I'll always be with you." I was doing this last night because I was feeling abandoned when Nick kept playing his game even after all the baby shower guests left. I was saying, "..I won't leave you alone like daddy does to me sometimes..."
Eh, well its kind of reverse psychology...I think.
In the meantime, grab more Snickers and make sure Jeffrey coddles you, get a back massage and a foot massage and remember that it will all be over before you know it.
And if you're really desperate, your midwife probably knows about a little spot on your ankle you can rub that will start labor. Ask her.
MM
If you are interested in joining the Candy Exchange have a look here and let me know...
Details: http://delightfullydiva-ish.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-66-great-candy-exchange.html
Reasoning: http://delightfullydiva-ish.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-65-pt2-candy-anyone.html
It may be all too much for you this close to baby!!!!!
x
I hate those last few weeks. You'll make it though. That baby will be born eventually, and you won't be an elephant!
;)
I know it is really difficult to be patience. I don't know what it is like top be pregnant and probably won't be knowing for the next 7-8 years (or maybe more)but I do know it is nice to have a feeling that you are making a baby and he/she is going to be all your. Your blood, your kin! I do wish a lot of times that I had a baby all my own. Be patient and I am sure that pretty soon you are going to be a mother of a beautiful, most wonderful baby girl ever!! :)