I am an Elephant

I went in for another check up today.

As I drove home I remembered a night two weeks ago. I was sitting on my bed. The lights were out, Keith was in bed and it was our time. Jeffrey had been studying in the living room and I was sitting in the mess I like to call my bedroom. I looked around me and the hormones kicked in.

Or I should say the tears started to flow.

Jeffrey heard the sniveling and came into the room. He tenderly took me in his arms and just held me tight (isn't it wonderful how that always works?). He asked me why I was crying (he is very patient with me) and waited as I tried to control myself enough to verbalize my fears.
Trying to say it out loud made it worse, though.

"I am going to be p-p-pregnant forever! I don't want to be pregnant anymore. I-I-I am an elephant! I am going to be pregnant for 18-22 months, and she is never going to come. It's just a me-me-mean joke being played on meeeee. I am never going to hold her, and am going to walk around with a huge belly, dropping things, runn-i-i-ing into things and always pregnant for the rest of my liiiiife!"

As I drove home today, these very thoughts were bouncing around my head.

She is measuring 38 weeks 5 days. 7lbs 6 oz and as comfortable in that little uterus as she could be. No signs of ever wanting to leave (could this possibly be a foreshadow of when she grows up and doesn't want to move out when she is older?). I have basically had no change for three weeks. I have been at a 4 and 75-80% effaced this whole time.

I guess technically she isn't due until the 30th of November, and I would prefer she be completely healthy when she is born, so if that is what is necessary, she can stay in there, but really? Why did my body have to start giving signs of an eviction? Soon?

So I have been home for a few hours now, and had the munchies the whole time. Nothing seemed to fix it. I ate cereal, cheese, water. Nothing was taking the munchies away. And then I figured it out. My body wanted something I really don't like. Chocolate! So I dug into the freezer and pulled out the chocolate chips.
I really didn't like them at all.
And then I remembered it.
A king size Snickers hiding away in the closet. It was being saved for the rush to the hospital. I hear they don't let you have food. My midwife said I could have some so long as no one saw it. The nurses would freak out.
It was calling to me. Reminding me that I am an elephant. The candy bar will be old by the time the baby is born, so I might as well eat it now.
And then I ate it.
And all was right with the world.
I can be patient again.


The West Family said…
Came over from Confessions of a Working mom...I was in your shoes back in January before my son was born. I didn't think he would ever come! Hang in there!
Tawni said…
How frustrating! I'm not dilated yet, but if I was I would sure be expecting some labor pains soon. And way to eat the Snickers, I'm proud of you.
Tiffany said…
i know all to well how you feel (my kid's only 4 months). when they told me i was 4cm 90% effaced, they said I wouldn't make it through the wkend...but I did, plus another week or so. It was torture. Hang in there...it will all be over soon!
Jenny said…
Hang in there! She's coming...I assure you. One year ago, my third baby was 5 days over due...I had been dilated for what seemed like forever! I went to my OB and he told me I was 6-7 cm dilated and 100% effaced! I couldn't believe it! My Mother-in-law had taken my 19 month old to the zoo that morning. Talk about a comfortable baby! All to say that each pregnancy is different and you just can't predict when they will come, but I have NEVER known a woman to NOT have the baby eventually.

She'll be here soon enough.
Lee said…
I wouldn't want to leave either if you fed me snickers!! Don't they just make the whole world better!!
Emmy said…
Chocolate does make things better. Hang in there!
November 28th would be a good day, that is my daughter's birthday :)
mub said…
I love how you wrote what you said... I could totally see you saying it just like that. And I'm sorry for laughing ;)
Vic said…
It always seems like they take forever but once they get here they grow too quickly and we wish they'd still be itty bitty....She'll come soon enough. I'm guessing any day now!:)Good Luck and now I'm going to grab myself a damn candy bar. All the while thinking of u:))
Snickers is definitely my favorite candy bar. I'm assuming it is yours too. I tried eating some dove chocolate last night but it got super irritating in my throat and I have to cough it up and get the flavor out. Weird.
If the wait gets you down again you could always try reverse psychology on yourself. For instance, pat or rub your belly and say to the baby, "don't worry, I'll always be with you." I was doing this last night because I was feeling abandoned when Nick kept playing his game even after all the baby shower guests left. I was saying, "..I won't leave you alone like daddy does to me sometimes..."
Eh, well its kind of reverse psychology...I think.
Familia Morales said…
I know just the thing for you! But you have to really mean it...and I mean REALLY mean it! With my 2nd child, Eric, I wanted him to come early or on time or anything! I just wanted him out! I finally got induced because I was tired of waiting. With my girls I WANTED to be pregnant for a long time. I was scared of actually having the babies...they were the 2 that came early. I won't tell you how early...no need to cause you running off for another Snickers. Just wish her to stay in (and be sincere about it!) and she'll come out as quick as she can.
In the meantime, grab more Snickers and make sure Jeffrey coddles you, get a back massage and a foot massage and remember that it will all be over before you know it.
And if you're really desperate, your midwife probably knows about a little spot on your ankle you can rub that will start labor. Ask her.
Andrea said…
Oh, it is so frustrating at the end. It's like your head knows she'll eventually come but you're emotions take over and you're convinced it will never happen. I always went overdue with my boys, and although it was only a couple of days it felt like an eternity. Thank goodness for the Snickers--chocolate makes everything better, whether you're pregnant or not! ;) Hang in there, she'll be here soon!
ModernMom said…
LOL Found you through Chez West. Love this story and the feelings it brought rushing back! Congrats on your pregnacy, you won't be feeling like an elephant for long:)
Em said…
i hate feeling so huge at the end! in answer to your email, yes, brennan was 9.4lbs. i make big babies as well;-) except mine really would never come out without the help of my doc. 41 weeks and that kiddo wasn't budging. thank goodness for medical intervention!
Gail said…
Oh Amy, during my pregnancies I would often ask God what I had done to deserve it all.... but always the big picture - His PERFECT timing! That happened to be almost 2 weeks overdue for my son. I'm hoping it wasn't an indication of his punctuality for later in life!

If you are interested in joining the Candy Exchange have a look here and let me know...
Details: http://delightfullydiva-ish.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-66-great-candy-exchange.html

Reasoning: http://delightfullydiva-ish.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-65-pt2-candy-anyone.html

It may be all too much for you this close to baby!!!!!
Hang in there! It won't be too long.
Lara said…
Thank goodness for chocolate! :)

I hate those last few weeks. You'll make it though. That baby will be born eventually, and you won't be an elephant!
Sue said…
Good job, Amy. Just make sure you replace that Snickers bar. Soon!!

Chantel said…
Aren't we glad we're not really elephants? 9 months is long enough. Hang in there. She'll be here soon!!!
Stephanie Faris said…
I remember when my sister was waiting for her youngest to be born, someone asked my brother-in-law how far along she was. He said, "Eleven months." I thought that was the funniest answer!
The Heiner's said…
LOL, Amy you are a hoot! I love reading your posts.
Kaibee said…
I know it is really difficult to be patience. I don't know what it is like top be pregnant and probably won't be knowing for the next 7-8 years (or maybe more)but I do know it is nice to have a feeling that you are making a baby and he/she is going to be all your. Your blood, your kin! I do wish a lot of times that I had a baby all my own. Be patient and I am sure that pretty soon you are going to be a mother of a beautiful, most wonderful baby girl ever!! :)
Natasha said…
Oh you poor thing! But don't you have the sweetest hubby. Lucky girl you.

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