Tuesday, August 25, 2009

I Don't Deserve This

It is late.
I just spent the last hour lying in bed, trying to get comfortable.
The longer I stared at the wall or even the back of my eyelids the worse that headache got.
The one I woke up with this morning and was my constant companion all day.

It is hot.
I think that is the reason I can't sleep. It is too hot for comfort.
Instead I lay in my bed contemplating the cause and effect of insomnia.
My midwife is wonderful and prescribed me with some Ambien. She thinks I may have Chronic Fatigue Syndrom becuase I am constantly too tired to even walk across the room.
Possibly it is insomnia though I may have never realized it before.
Or it could just be pregnancy. Who knows.
But I am afraid to take the Ambien.
I took one last night and woke up very sick this morning.
I blame the drugs.
So, I sit at the computer, wishing for sleep, yet not quite able to acheive it.
As I sit here I get to think of a lot of things and I just have to say. I so do not deserve this life.

My husband is the best. He treats me like I am the most precious gem in the cosmos. He is a saint. I don't think he has ever done anything bad in his life. An absolute saint. He is so patient and wonderful and loving towards me.

And then there is Keith. I think you all know what a great kid he is. Today he insisted I cuddle him for most of the day. He loves to sit in my lap, and really knows how to make me feel loved and needed. My mother in law took him for a few hours so I could get a break, and also because we thought I might have had the flu (didn't.). He called me on the phone just to say he loves me.
I think I have the best life in the world! And it is going to get even better as soon as this sweet sheila (Aussie word for a girl) joins our family. What bliss! Again, I say, I so do not deserve this life, but I am so happy to call it mine just the same.
Excuse me now, while I attempt the seemingly impossible and try to find sleep in the sweet arms of my bed and husband.

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