Thursday, July 12, 2018

Self Inflicted Sacrifices

It's 2 am. I honestly have no idea how long I have been awake. Kip woke up and in my sleep state I got up and brought him to my bed to proceed feeding him. I do this often and don't really realize I am doing it. As I was dozing and feeding him, Vince woke up. Very like Linus from Peanuts, he sleep stumbled into my room dragging his blanket after him. When he got to my side of the bed, he pushed his blanket on, and then clambered up after. Side note: I think it is the cutest thing to see him dragging around that blanket. So he and his blanket scooched in close to me on the edge of the bed while I continued to feed the baby.

I was finally conscious at this point. Running through my head were my doctor's words, "Of course he still wakes up in the night. He gets rewarded every time he does. Quit feeding him when he wakes up." Now, while I agree with him in theory, in practice, I don't ever remember getting up and feeding him. I just wake up and there he is, lying in bed with me, just finishing up a midnight snack. So I'm not sure how to end this cycle. At any rate, there I lay, sandwiched between two boys. Vince tried to roll over and ended up rolling off the bed. He was a trooper though, and didn't cry. He just got up, dusted himself off, and scrambled back up onto the bed.

It was at this point I decided there were too many boys in my bed. I carefully slid my hands beneath Kip's sleeping body and adopted him up. I liked down at him as i held him close and he was smiling in his sleep. It made me happy that he was having happy sleep comes dreams.

Little did I know, he was actually laughing at me.

Plotting his diabolical next move, the move that had great potential to finish me.

I carefully carried him to his room and gingerly laid him down. Like a ticking bomb. Because that is what a sleeping baby is. Aa I began my tiptoe out, he woke up and began crying. With a monumental sigh, I picked him up again and carried him to the living room, hoping to rock him to sleep. Except he doesn't want to go back to sleep.

Three times we have done the dance. It is not a graceful dance as we are both fighting over who gets to lead. He wants to tango and I desperately want to sleep.

As I sat on the couch rocking a giggling baby who had no intention of going back to sleep, Vince and his blanket found me. He stood watching in the hallway for some time before Tolkien me into the living room and curling up at my feet like a faithful puppy. And there he waited. When I got up to move Kip, he was up, following behind me. It was precious to watch but also made me a little sad as he should be sleeping but instead he just wants to be near me.

After several more attempts, I was finally successful. Kip is now sleeping in his bed! However, my bed is now peopled with little ones and the population of Beth and Vince's room is down to zero. As I type this, Beth is sprawling, hitting or kicking anyone who gets in her way, and Vince is sleeping horizontally, his head on my back and his feet on Beth's legs. I am hoping I can transition them both back to their beds soon. Meanwhile, I do get to enjoy the amplified stillness of a sleeping house. It is rare to have this quiet around me. It is a toss up which I prefer right now, the peace that comes knowing all my children are sleeping, or the desperate need to join them in the land of slumber.

The difficult decisions mothers make. Or, the sacrifices we chose to make for just a little peace and quiet around here! (cue What About Bob joke here: "I'll be quiet." "And I'll be peace!" *snicker snicker*

If i am tired tomorrow, it was totally worth it.

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