I hate breaking from journaling, because there is so much to say, and I never know where to start. Which is probably why I should never take a break from journaling like that.
February grew wings and, like a flock of frenzied geese, took off. I have scarce been able to catch my breath! We have been having a lot of fun with the little girls that I have been watching. Lately, though, it has been like playing roulette. They come over, we play, but I am ever so mindful that I can go into labor at any moment, and I typically deliver quickly. An hour from start to finish. And so every day has a bit more anxiety because it isn't just the question of what to do with my kids when it happens, it is also what to do with my friend's kids. We decided this morning, though, that I should probably be through watching them for a bit now. Her sister is in town and can take over for a month or so, which will probably ease a bit of stress on both of us. Keith and Faye are thrilled that the girls wont be coming for a while. I think with the impending birth of little baby man, and my attention more divided it has been hard on them. They are so desirous to have my undivided attention back. Both of the older kids have mentioned it, and it breaks my heart.
I have been nesting quite a bit, which I find incredibly funny. One day I decided that I was going to move Beth out of her room and into Faye's. Jeffrey was working, of course, and I had the girls, as well as my kids. I walked in to Beth's room, and began dismantling her toddler bed, and rebuilt it into the crib. I pulled all of her clothes out of her room and moved them into Faye's. I did all of this, without having a bed for her to sleep on once she got into Faye's room. Jeffrey' was wonderful and took apart Keith's bed and moved it upstairs, and then he basically had Keith assemble the bunk beds with a little guidance from him. Which left us with another problem. Keith then had no bed, because he was sleeping on the other half of the bunks. This happened about three weeks ago. Ever since, though, All three kids have been crowded together in the girls' room. Keith and Faye sleep on the top bunk, and Beth sleeps on the bottom. It has been quite and adjustment. We aren't planning on keeping it like that, mind you. There was just SO much stuff under Keith's bed, that we weren't able to set up the futon for him. And he hasn't cleaned his room since, despite being reminded to do it nearly every single day. But with the two extra girls, and trying to get things figured out for the baby, and the house ready, which I have been failing at, I wasn't able to follow up, and so his room has remained too messy to put a bed up in. Hopefully we can get that tackled before Baby Man makes his entrance! But the kids have actually been loving sharing a room. They stay up late talking or fighting, and then as soon as one of them is awake, the rest of them are, too. It has been funny listening to them wake up.
"Get your feet out of my face!"
"My feet aren't in your face, but your elbow is in my ribs!"
"Quit hogging all the blankets."
"I'm telling Mom. You took all of the covers and I am cold!"
Oh, the memories this evokes from my childhood and having to share with my brother when we were on vacation, or even when we shared a bedroom growing up.
Speaking of nesting, this little guy has just been the most stubborn little man ever. He is breech. And he likes it that way! No matter what I have done, this little guy just wants his head under my ribs, and his feet in my cervix. Not the most comfortable position for me, I assure you! I have been a bit worried about his determination to stay upright, and so have been scouring all of my resources for help flipping him. I have gleaned the internet and tried every weird obscure thing I came across. I have hung upside down in what I call "bat pose". I have tried putting and ice pack on top of my belly and a heating pad underneath, in the hopes that he would try to move away from the cold. He did squirm a lot, but he never turned. I've tried putting my phone with music in my lap while I drive, hoping the sound would entice him. Possibly I tried the wrong music. Maybe he doesn't like Vivaldi, or mellow music. Possibly he would have liked Def Leppard more. I have gone swimming, which was incredibly stressful, because I had to spend the whole time watching out for other people's kids. Kids these days just don't watch where they are going, and if I wasn't on high alert, would constantly run into me. The only things I haven't done are acupuncture and visited a chiropractor. Because those things sort of scare me. Especially while pregnant.
Finally, out of desperation, I scheduled a version with the doctor who works with my midwife. That was last Saturday. I can't decide which is more painful, having them try to turn the baby, or giving birth. Granted, the doctor who was doing it very much man-handled me stomach. I stopped him at one point and asked him if he could PLEASE! For the love of all that is holy, just put some lotion or oil on his hands because he was giving me an indian burn (which really doesn't seem like a pc sort of thing to say, and I tried to find another name for it, but the only one that came up was snakebite, but I wouldn't know what that was if someone called it that to me, so I am putting the only word I know with the apology to both the Native Americans and the people of India, as I am sure that particular form of kids teasing and hurting each other did not originate from either place. I like to be PC on things like that. But not always. My inconsistencies are what make me me). He said he wouldn't lotion up because he couldn't get a grip on the baby to push him to turn. And so I had an Indian burn on my tender baby belly for a good 3 days. And I am still bruised on top of my belly from when he was pushing that child around. The baby got down to right above my left hip bone, wouldn't lock into place, and then 10 minutes after they had finished, drifted back into an upright position again. Stubborn little guy! The pain was unreal, though, and I don't wish it on anyone.
I went in for my appointment on Wednesday, and my midwife was convinced that he had turned again, but she was mistaken. Things are slowly beginning to progress, though, so that is exciting. Last night, because I had been having small contractions all day, and I had a little bit of amniotic fluid show up on some nitra-paper, she had me go in to L&D to be monitored. It was midnight when she told me to go in. We didn't get home until 4 this morning, and I was SO tired! We actually had the kids stay home from school, because there was no way I could have gotten them up and ready for school on 2 hours of sleep like that. They were really excited! Jeffrey took off work so that I could sleep and he would watch the kids.
After I woke up, we decided to get some groceries. When we put Beth in the car, though, she got really excited and started talking about going to see the dinosaurs. She talked about it through our whole shopping excursion, and was able to convince Jeffrey that it was what we needed to do. She has her daddy at her beck and call, and it is adorable. Both of those girls can get him to do almost anything! Which means, yes, we did go see the dinosaurs! Beth was giddy with joy, and Keith was so happy to be able to browse the gems and stones they have on display there, while Faye was just happy to run around outside and play. It was such a nice afternoon, to be able to have that quality family time.
We got home, did the homework run through, and then bedtime, which quite honestly took 3 hours tonight. Beth did NOT want to go to bed! Keith and Faye fought it as well, until I threatened to make them sleep on the couches if they couldn't get along in the bed. And then I told them we were playing the Quiet Game. Faye is the master of that game, surprisingly, and she doesn't want to lose her undisputed title. Keith, on the other hand, desperately wants a win, so it was the perfect way to get them to go to sleep! I may have to try that tactic more often.
Which brings us to tomorrow. I shudder when I think of what tomorrow brings. Apparently, the pain from the first version wasn't enough to scare me off. I am scheduled to go in for another attempt to flip the baby tomorrow. I am dreading it,but I want to do what I can to help Little Man turn so that I can have a natural delivery for the last time ever. I am dreading a cesearian with all of my heart! I know that they aren't horrible, and that a lot of people really like them, but the whole recovery necessary for them really bothers me, and makes me not want one. Besides, there is something about the natural labor and delivery that I really look forward to. It is so empowering, and amazing! And the recovery time for that is next to nothing, for me. I hated my experience with an epidural, and never want to be drugged up like that again, not even for a c-section.
And that brings us up to date, I think. Hopefully I can keep up with this posting more than just the vague highlights of what is going on in our lives.