The day is finally over.
I felt quite proud of myself today. I got a lot done, considering. The kids room (which has been so dirty, I haven't even walked in there for a few weeks) finally got cleaned. It feels great. Nevermind my room, the bathroom and the family room are all still messy, with loads of laundry waiting to be folded and loads waiting to be washed. We got the kids room clean! Then they played, and I cooked, and fed the baby, and did dinner, and cleaned up, and fed the baby, and got the kids ready for bed, and we played and wrestled for a while, and gosh, it feels so good to not be pregnant! I can lay on my stomach! The kids can climb on me! We can wrestle and I don't hurt. I love being able to be present with my kids. I have missed it so much!
They are in bed (mostly) now, and the house is quiet and messy, (except for the kids' room!) and I don't care. I can hear the rumble of the washer and dryer, which is lulling me into readiness for sleep. I have a sweet little goodness resting on my shoulder and if I could freeze time right now, I think I would. I love smelling my Beth, and feeling her breath on my neck as she snuggles in, her little frog legs pulled in tight against her diapered bum, one hand resting on my shoulder, and one on my chest in a tiny baby hug. I love knowing a day has been completed, and we survived. More than that, we thrived today. I can do this three children thing.
Beth loves to cuddle. After I feed her, I need to just hold her on my chest for a little bit before putting her down. She sleeps so much better when I do that. I love the pressure of her little body, snuggled up on me. She is so happy and content and warm and she makes me feel like I am doing a good job as a mother. Pretty hard to screw it up at this point, I know. That comes later. When they are so new, as long as she is fed, clothed, burped, and clean, she is happy. When I hold her on my chest, she doesn't like a blanket or burp cloth to get in the way. She wants her cheek to be against my skin. I love it as well, except when she spits up. Even then, though, I don't mind all that much. We are cuddling. Spit up is just a minor hiccup.
When I was a little girl, my grandmother used to gently rub or caress my arms, hand, neck, whatever. It was my favorite thing ever. Faye loves it too. She always insists I rub her. We have learned that Beth is a big fan of it as well. When I rub her arms, or legs, she extends them so more of her body can be accessed. She loves to be rubbed. She will raise her leg up in the air while I am feeding her to let me know to rub her leg. She will sometimes extend her arm up into my face so I will caress her hand or arm. She is so cute with wanting to be loved on like that.
Beth also loves music. Our first day with her, I discovered this. She was a little fussy, so I began to sing the first song that came to mind. It is a silly song that Jeffrey often sings to the kids about little froggies going to school. He used to sing it to my belly when she was still in the womb. As soon as I began, she quieted down and just watched me as I sang it. It was really a very tender moment, and when Jeffrey learned it is her favorite song, he was over the moon. Other music does help to calm her down, but nothing as significantly as the froggy song!
Beth has a favorite blanket. It is a pretty little quilt I made for her, and I am quite pleased that it is her favorite, but a little annoyed that she wont sleep with anything else.
Beth is our first child who doesn't like or want a pacifier or her thumb. Which is always very surprising to me. If we try to give her a pacifier, she pulls a very cute albeit disgusted face, and spits it out. We are still struggling to get Keith off his thumb, and if Faye sees one of her old pacifiers floating around, she will nab it, hide it for later and use it. It is very refreshing to have a child who doesn't want one. It saves a lot of headache down the road, I think.
She is a very strong little girl. She holds her head up high, for long periods of time already. I discovered that when I was wearing her in my sling. She holds her head up so she can look at me, and just stares for a few minutes at a time before resting her head back onto my chest. And then she does it again. She also rolled over twice, but I am convinced it was a fluke. We were on my bed, and there must have been some sort of slant playing into that, because what baby can roll over from back to front when they are five days old? Had to have been a fluke. Even though she did it twice. Especially because it took until 6 months for both of my other kids to roll over. Still, she is strong. I have to believe her rolling over was a fluke, because I just don't want to believe otherwise.
Hanging on to the moments is going to be my goal with this little one, I think. I know I have been very focused on when we get our own place and I think focusing on her will help me be more patient in the waiting. Soon, I hope, but if not, I will love these moments anyway. And so, I am off to cuddle and smell and love on this sweet little girl.