My Version of The Birds and The Bees or How It All Went Down

Once upon a time I was insanely baby hungry.

It was ridiculous.

It got so bad, I even stopped visiting some friends' blogs because I was so jealous of their cute chubby babies, and it was too hard.

I focused on trying to get other aspects of my life together.

I went to the gym, nearly every day, and that was my aphrodisiac.  It calmed me, and made me so happy.

But then there were problems with Keith's preschool, so I had to pull him out, and he is the biggest homebody, doesn't like to go anywhere, and going to the gym just became too hard.

I was too tired to get up and go early in the morning like I once had, and I became depressed because I no longer had a release.

And I was so tired, Sleeping Beauty looked like she was taking a cat nap in comparison.  Rip Van Winkle would have had a run for his money with the amount of sleep I was trying to get.

So, Jeffrey made a suggestion.

It was a wonderful, and painful and hopeful suggestion.

Why not take a pregnancy test?

I had a box of tests on hand.

I think First Response should have sent me a thank you card for all the tests I had bought.  It was me, single handedly keeping them in business, after all.

So, early in the morning, November 30th, before the kids were up, I decided to try, just to see.

I held my breath.

And that second line, it was so faint, but it was absolutely there.

I couldn't believe it!  I didn't say anything to Jeffrey that morning as he got ready for work.

I didn't say anything to him that night, but I did go to the store and bought him a pizza, bag of chips and some ginger ale.  Those are his comfort foods.  His celebratory foods.

As we were sitting on the bed, I gave him his treats, and he looked at me, surprised.  

Why would I buy such silly things for him?  Especially as we were saving our money for Christmas. 

I presented him with the pregnancy test.

He just looked at it.

He got up and began pacing the room.

He didn't say a word, just paced.

The rest of the night he spent pacing, and was mute.

I eventually gave up and just went to sleep.  I was incredibly tired, after all.

Poor Jeffrey was in shock.  I guess I didn't tell him like I should have.  I guess I should have waited for a better time.  But I have a hard time keeping secrets.  Not other people's secrets, but my own.  

Especially from Jeffrey.  I have a hard time keeping anything from him.

I think this is the first year he has ever not know what his birthday gift was before hand.  And that was hard! Keeping something that I had been dreaming about for so long, something I had been aspiring for was next to impossible for me.

December passed and I was tired but not sick.

January came and I got incredibly depressed.  I was so tired, and I got sick (darn winter colds).  I live in the basement, so I didn't see a lot of sun, either, and as I have learned, no sunlight makes me a very unhappy girl.  Between all of that, I just wasn't happy.  I pulled Faye out of preschool because I didn't have the energy to take her anymore.  I didn't want to be around people.  So very uncharacteristically of me, I became a hermit.

My doctor instructed me to get out and into the sunlight more, so we began to take family walks.  As the weather warmed up, so did my attitude, and I became social once more.

When March finally hit, I was no longer depressed every day, or tired, and life as I knew it was able to resume.

My poor kids had been reduced to orphan status during those dark months.  Between a dad working full time and going to school full time, and a mother who just couldn't get out of bed, they were forced to fend for themselves.

Happily, things got better.  Much better.

To Be Continued...