Stepping outside, alone with my thoughts and the dreamy voice of Damien Rice softly playing from my phone, I had to sigh happily.
I had forgotten how much I love late summer nights. Meaning late in the season summer nights.
I was surprised by the slight humidity and spicy rain-kissed smell in the cozy warm air. It hadn't rained but smelled just as if it had.
I took a deep gratifying breath as I stepped out of the house and out into the night.
It was a perfect comibnation.
I began the short walk to the store gazing at the dappled patterns in the dusky clouds that still tantalize with the possibility of rain. I tripped a little on the uneven pavement and laughed at my clumsiness. I may never outgrow it.
Some of the thoughts that went through my head on my excursion were these:
Beth is getting to be so big. She doesn't look much like a newborn anymore.
Her cheeks are becoming cherubic plump, and she is filling out everywhere. At three weeks old she has graduated from newborn diapers into size one. She makes me laugh every day. That girl pulls some of the best faces I have ever seen! I love that she is such a good eater and that I have enough milk for her. One of my biggest regrets is that I couldn't breast feed Keith. I think because of that, I really cherish and appreciate the time and bond created by breast feeding. It isn't a chore to me, not even the middle if the night feedings, although I am very tired because of those.
Sleep training is one of my least favorite things ever. But it is so necessary and important for the baby's health and my sanity.
My sanity, mainly.
Come October when she is sleeping through the night, I will thank myself for being consistent with the sleep training. But do you want to know a secret? I don't ever want to put Beth down. Not even when she is sleeping. I want to hold her all the time. I don't want to do sleep training for the mere fact that I will have to put her down and not cuddle her while she sleeps. Because sleeping babies are so sweet and somehow therapeutic. Even if no therapy is needed.
Another thought: Faye is ridiculously funny.
Last night she burst into our room while Jeffrey and I were talking, with the announcement "The Contender has arrived and challenges you to a duel!" She was talking to her Daddy, of course. Jeffrey jumped up and I could hear peals of laughter coming from the family room as they wrestled. I was a little jealous I couldn't be there. I was feeding Beth. But I wasn't too sorry, as per the explanation above.
A little while ago Faye had made a "clubhouse" out of a big box. Jeffrey and I were "hiding" with her in it when she announced "we are a club!"
Jeffrey asked her what kind of club we were, and her prompt reply was "a club to annihilate Keith! Let's make a plan on how we will destroy him!" Jeffrey and I just laughed. We couldn't help it! We asked her why she would want to destroy her brother, and she shrugged her shoulders.
Faye is a great helper with Beth, though I still have a hard time keeping her fingers off the baby.
She is constantly hugging and kissing the baby whether Beth is sleeping, eating, or having her diaper changed. Faye doesn't care, she just wants to be with her sister. That should read "poking her sister."
But she is invaluable to me when it comes to helping with the baby. She is learning how to change a baby's diaper, and is quite the little mother, it is precious.
Keith still doesn't seem to care about or acknowledge Beth.
I can't tell if that is a good thing or a bad thing. We are still reading Harry Potter together. I love that he sometimes climbs up in my lap and he reads to me, only needing help with the big or difficult words. And he is enjoying it! We may finish it before school actually starts! I say actually because next week is kindergarten testing so he will only go one day next week, and school will really start the week after that. We are more than half way through the book, so I am optimistic that we will finish it before school.
Confession: as much as I would love to get through the book with Keith, I cherish this time with him. I don't want it to end. Good thing there are 7 books, I guess. And many others out there to chose from.
It is wonderful to have such great kids. I don't think it will ever get old. Faye was experimenting with my name, calling me Amy. I told her to just call Mommy. She wanted to one why I didn't want her to call me by my name. I explained that when she calls me Mommy, it is my favorite name in the world.
And it is very true.
Of all the things i could have become, all the titles I could ever have had, Mommy really is my favorite and the most fulfilling.