Monday, January 24, 2011

Just a Little Bit Longer

Saturday night, as I was finishing up reading, Faye woke up.  I heard a soft pitiful cry coming from her room.  So soft, it was as if she were testing the waters, seeing if anyone was up and would come to her rescue.  A quiet pause, and then another soft and sleepy cry.  For a brief moment, I thought about ignoring it.  She would go back to sleep without me, I knew.

And then, as if propelled by maternal instincts alone, I put down my book, and went into her room.  She looked surprised to see me since I rarely let her get up during the night.  I was surprised to find her sitting up, in the furthest corner, rubbing her eyes.  She looked so forlorn.

I scooped her up, and stood by her bedside holding her, as she rested her forehead on my cheek.  She rubbed and rubbed her left eye with her left hand for a long time.  Then, she switched hands and eyes, never once lifting her head from my cheek.  The sweet baby smell filled my heart and I wanted the moment to last forever.

I decided she was probably thirsty so took her into the kitchen to get a drink.  She didn't want it so I drank it instead while she watched me out of her bleary eyes.

"Mommy" they pled, "just take me back to bed!"

Back in the quiet of her room, we sat in her rocker and rocked.  I wrapped the old faded pink blanket around her (mine from when I was a baby) and quietly sang her lullaby.  I stroked her soft cheek and willed her to stay awake as I didn't want to leave.  She snuggled in close to me, nestling her head, and sighed. I relaxed my chin down on the top of her head.   Oh to be a baby again.  I was glad I could make her feel so safe.  The heater radiated warmth enveloping both of us in a moment.

A moment of peace and serenity.  A connection that can only be felt by mothers and daughters; so different from the connection shared with a mother and son.

She sighed another happy sigh and drifted off.  I could feel her body relax in my arms.  I could feel the tension and cares leave her as she snuck off to the dreamland inhabited by only the innocent.  I held her for a bit longer.  I didn't want to put her back.  I cannot believe how big she is getting.  She no longer fits so completely in my arms.  Her arms and legs spill out over my embrace and it saddens me just a little.

I need to do this more often.  So I can keep her little just a bit longer.

In my heart.

In my mind.

In my arms.

10 comments:

Terra said...

oh man, you made me miss those days. That was so sweet.

Sue said...

What a sweet post, Amy. A really touching moment that you captured so beautifully.

=)

Sami said...

Gee, thanks! Now yo went and made me cry!
Now I just wanna go hold my "baby".

Emmy said...

Oh.... How beautiful. I too find myself holding Rydrr longer than necessary when he is going to sleep.

Amy Caroline said...

This is beautiful Amy! I have been watching time fly too much lately. I was looking at my 16 year old daughter the other day and thinking back to the days when my husband was in Bosnia and I would bring her little baby self into my bed and cuddle her. Sigh.

Veronica said...

So sweet and precious are those moments and they are fleeting. I too enjoy snuggling with my 2.5yr old baby, who won't be a baby for long!

Mrs Montoya said...

I came over from Emmy's and I am so glad I did. What a sweet post. I let my little (BIG) guy sleep with me last night which is WAY out of character for us. Sometimes we do need just a little bit longer.

Sweet, sweet, sweet

Trish said...

I'm just catching up on your blog. I haven't been in the blogging world lately, so...
anyway, wow this is so sweet! I just wanna go get my little one out of bed and snuggle him up now. Except I know that he doesn't like snuggling much. He likes running around and getting into stuff! Oh well, maybe one day I'll have a snuggly little girl!

Lourie said...

My youngest is now five and weighs about 45 pounds. Every once in a while he will cuddle with me. He is growing and growing so I try to savor those moments. Truly a beautiful post Amy. Thank you for sharing such a sweet moment.

Rachel said...

So beautiful! Isn't it such a sad/happy thing to watch our kids grow and realize that we will never experience them at that sweet size again?

Thanks for such a sweet post!