Monday, April 5, 2010

Tuesday Daily News

Hello and welcome to todays rendition of the Tuesday Daily News.  I am your host, Amy.

Our top headline is one of surprise and dreading.

It is about children. 

Did you know every day the children around the world are constantly learning, growing and changing, much to the chagrin of the parents.  That is right, contrary to popular belief, parents do not actually like to see their children grow up and move on with their lives.  Sure, they may say it is their deepest desire, to have a child who can wipe his/her own bum, or put their things away.  But when all is said and done, the parent inevitably misses the bum wiping and the tantrums and the sticky fingers on the furniture.  Why you ask?  Because they grow up too fast.

A young mother in UT shares her experience of the great and rapid change just this week.  She tells a story of messy learning and relief which will enivetably end in heartbreak.

 "Keith has been showing signs of wanting to be potty trained.
Every night before bed he asks to sit on the potty.  So I bought him so big boy undies.  They have become his new best friend.  He can wear them on the condition he keep them dry, though.  That deal works out well as he loves them and never wants to take them off.  Which can be hazardous in the potty training field." 
 
She then goes on to explain his enthusiasm resulted in him sitting on the potty for nearly an hour Saturday morning.  He did nothing in the potty.  He reported he was struggling with boredom, so his parents let him get off.  As he stood up, he let out a deep sigh and wet himself and the floor.  It was a sight to behold.  The Daddy immediately set about cleaning up the mess, knowing full well the Mommy would have many more of those messes to clean up.

Though it may seem this story has the happy ending of a potty trained two year old, I assure, it does not.  Sure, the boy will be potty trained one day.  But then he will begin to go places without his Mommy.  He wont want to give her kisses anymore.  He wont want to hold her hand, and he will even say he is embarrased by her.  So though the self potty use may seem like a huge accomplishment, I assure you, it is not.  It just means more independence.

Shockingly, things like this are happening in nearly every home across our country, nay, even across the world.  And there is nothing that can be done about it.  We as children did the same thing to our parents, and in turn it will be done to us.

Yet again, the same mother recalls another horrific example of this desperate attempt to gain independence from the grown ups.  Faye a sweet baby has just made her mother very sad yet proud.  She lies on her back and with coos and smiles, wraps you into a false sense of security.  You cannot help but think she is perfect in every way shape and form.  She kicks her legs out and then draws them up to suck on her toes.  Then, without warning, she flashes a sly smile, and rolls over to her side.  Your heart skips a beat, but as she shows no intention of progressing that roll, the heart quiets down.

"I picked her up today, and just cuddled her.  She has been ravenously hungry the past few days, and I thought she was just going through yet another growth spurt.  But the sequence of events that followed have me foreboding the future.  While my MIL was holding her during breakfast today, Miss Faye was giving it her all to get that spoon into her own mouth.  This afternoon while Jeffrey was talking with me and holding Faye, she spied a cheesecake he held in his hand.  She began to slowly lean in.  Closer and closer.  She couldn't quite reach it.  So she placed her tiny hand on his.  Like the maniplative little girl she is, she pulled his hand closer to her.  When we were engrossed in conversation, she lunged towards the sweet.  She nearly got it.  Cheesecake was all over her lip.  Then tonight during dinner she grew quite grumpy as I ate my dinner holding her.  She wanted some food.  And it all made sense to me.  She is not growth spurting it.  I really don't have to feed her every hour and a half.  
 
"Though we were going to wait until she was 6 months old {which is just around the corner, did you know?} to start her on solids, I think she has a different agenda."

Sadly, her husband Jeffrey went out to the store to get the solids, and they will be starting her on them, and the road of heartbreak, tomorrow.  Once she can feed herself, she will soon be able to dress herself {unless she is like her brother who still doesn't know how to undress or dress himself... heavens be praised!}, and then go to friends houses, and school, and sleepovers, and jobs, and then she will want to be gone more than she is home, and her poor mother will be left all alone.
 
And so we sit back and watch as this pandemic sweeps the world.  The cure is in  the disease, we are assured.  All the parents who have experienced the sad march of time and the inevitable growth and progression of their children happily live to experience the joys of grandparent-hood.  So, for all those parents seemingly trapped in the  bittersweet era of watching those sweet little angels growing and changing into unruly unkempt teenagers, remember; there is hope.  Grandkids will come.  And if that doesn't work, you can always rock yourself to sleep with the memories of how they once were.

So, as you cope with this epidemic, remember, one day, twenty/thirty days in the future, restutition will be paid.  

This is Amy from Tuesday Daily News, until next week, signing off.  Thanks for reading.

11 comments:

Cheryl said...

Over from SITS!

Ah yes. The Growing. I told my son the other day that I'd bought him something at the store. When he discovered that it was not, in fact, a toy, but were clothes, he was upset. So I told him, Well, stop growing! Then I won't have to buy you new clothes!

Sue said...

This was a clever one, Amy. Good job!

=)

tinahead81 said...

i love how you wrote that!! its SO TRUE!! my heart is breaking at the thought of them growing up! we're probably going to attempt the potty training in a few short months. i wish i could keep them in their cribs and diapers forever!

Vic said...

Clever indeed! Kids and those darn underpants. They love to wear them but hate em' when they have an ooopsie:) I love cheesecake btw, send some my way.......I haven't had a good dessert in a long time:(

Laura said...

Isn't it horrible?? How dare they grow up and {gasp} not want to hold their mommy's hand anymore. :( I feel you pain. (although the wiping their own butt IS nice!)

Emmy said...

Great post! Love how you wrote it, and yes they really do grow up so quickly

Em said...

very cute amy;-)

Tiffany said...

my daughter will be 3 next month and yes, i'm wondering how and when that happened, but i'm probably the only mom who doesn't mind the growing up so much. i love that she's becoming more independent!

Capt'n Amazing's wife said...

You are already starting Faye on solids? I thought that it was best to wait until 6 months at least! Did I miss something or is she just different?

Cherie said...

This was clever indeed and so cute.
I am a mother who has older children but no grandchildren yet so I still give them Easter baskets and make them play along. I still buy them deoderant and call and make sure they are eating dinner. When will the madness end???!! (snicker) Loved your story!!

Chris and Francisca Hakes said...

Today I went and put Rachel's 0-3 and Cally's 3-6 month clothes away realizing we may never use them again. It honestly breaks my heart. I know it will be wonderful to see them grow up but darn it I just wish they would stay small and perfect... FOREVER!

Good job Potty Training Keith... Harmon is NO WAY NEAR potty training!!!!!!