Sunday, April 11, 2010

Dear Norm

Dear Norman Rockwell,

I would like to live in one of your paintings.  With my own family of course.  But really, there is such a small town charm to the lives you paint.  True people still get sick {as are Faye and I this whole past week} but there is still so much hope and good standards.  I think we could blend in perfectly.  You see, we have the same standards and ideals that were once so prevalent in our society.  Like the ones you paint.  

I know, I know, you need proof. 

I guess I could tell you about this Saturday which was the embodiment of perfection.

But I do need to preface it with a little reality.  My precious Faye and I have been fighting some pretty vicious cold viruses this past week.  This cold has not been an easy challenge.  One can only take so much Theraflu and cough drops before the threat of hallucinating becomes very real.

So with that constant battle going on, Saturday morning started out cold.  But not too cold a brisk walk couldn't bring a little warmth to our bones.  And of course a scrumptious breakfast of fat juicy pancakes didn't hurt it either.  Mmmmm!  You have to start your Saturday out right, you know.

The afternoon arrived, presenting my MIL with arms full of mouthwatering strawberries.  The kind that are so red they are almost purple and so plump they ooze juice down your chin when you bite into them.  There were many stained lips and chins that day, I assure you.

As I began to prepare the strawberries for the freezer and strawberry shortcake I noticed Jeffrey sitting in the backyard working on his computer case.  I decided to finish my strawberry preparations in the company of the sun, the breeze and  my own personal heart throb.  At that moment, I felt like I really was in one of your paintings, Norm.  I just wished I had a skirt on instead of my running pants.  But that was easily remedied.  Eventually Jeffrey finished with his case thus ending our pleasant time outside together.  Since we were moving back indoors,   I turned on some sweet nostalgic music {Benny Goodman, Tommy Dorsey, Billy Holiday etc} and declared myself to be in the year 1947.  It was loveliness itself.  I wished I had baked bread that day to make the picture perfect.

As I stood by the sink swaying my hips to the dulcet vocal styling of Lady Ella, I imagined how this summer is going to be.  Faye will be eating baby foods soon.  I will save the glass jars and hang them from the trees.  I will put tea light candles in them, and I will dance under the stars and candles in the backyard.  We will have dinner outside as often as possible, and every night we will all play until twilight during this precious time we have together.  Fresh baked bread and pies will be on the menu daily, accompanied by a lot of kisses and sass from me.

And so you see, Mr. Rockwell, though my life is not quite one of your paintings, it very soon could be.  Which is why I declare, we are perfect candidates for one of your paintings.  

Respectfully Yours, 

Amy


Dear Kiosk Lady,

You made me laugh so hard!  I am still laughing.  Really.
I think it is wonderful that you can come here from Israel.  How great that you get to travel so far away.  Awesome.
I would like to learn a little more about your culture.   It might help you make some sells if you learn a little about mine as well.  I am thinking your culture must be much like the Latin culture.  They are very honest people, and are okay with stating the truth/obvious.  No one gets offended if you say "That fat man there" because the man knows he is fat.  In our culture, that doesn't fly so well.  Lucky for you, I understand both cultures and do not take offense easily.  

Also, lucky for you, I have a very healthy sense of humor.  When you stopped me and asked if you could ask me a personal question, I was very willing to help.  You asked what kind of makeup I use, and I told you the cheapest I could find.  You then said "I too had a problem with acne." and I have been laughing ever since.  I don't have a problem with acne, nor have I ever.  The thing that is even more hilarious to me is you then tried to get me to stop and try a sample of something while I had a two year old chomping at the bit so to speak.  You are a very sweet girl.  I wish you the best, but I would advise you to learn a little more about our culture before you try sales tactics like that.  Also, trying to get a mother with very small and tired children is not the ideal customer.  I would be happy to help you learn more about our culture.  We could talk over dinner perhaps?  You are buying?

Your very amused customer,

Amy



Dear Self,

Just a reminder, the next time you decide to cut your hair, make sure you have the necessary supplies.  


Shopping List:
Round brush
Hair gel

Your adoring self,
Amy
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