Monday, November 2, 2009

What Happened When My Navel Moved Out

I have a hypothesis.

I believe the changing of the bellybutton creates changes in that person's balance, center of gravity, and even memory.

Allow me to explain.

I have had an innie my whole life. I rather liked it. It was not just your regular innie, either. It was a deep one. I could put my pinkie finger in it up to the first knuckle. I loved that. It made me a bit of a freak, but I am the only one I know who could do it, so I was proud of my little innie.

And then I got pregnant with Keith. The belly button moved outward. It never became an outie, but it was a lot closer than ever before.

During my pregnancy I noticed I had lost my brain. My mind no longer worked, and I couldn't even remember names of people I had known my whole life. I took a nutrition class on line. It was horrible. I think I got the worst grade of my life in that class. I couldn't remember anything I had learned. I am not even sure I did learn anything, though I tried hard. But I didn't trip on things, I didn't fall over, I just had frequent brain farts.

And then it came back to me as my navel returned to its original place.

And now I am pregnant again.

This time my belly button has completely moved out of its little cave. It waves to the world through my shirt, letting everyone see exactly where it is on my stomach.

This time around, I have balance issues, clumsiness problems, and my mind has long since left me to fend for myself. I have the worst time coming up with words now. Even simple every day words. Like the word door. I am found stuttering

"That thing. You know, the one that closes? It is on the house. You have to walk through it to get inside or outside. That thing!"

and people are left wondering about my sanity.

I have broken nearly half of our dishes as I tried to clean. I have dropped dinner on the floor many many times. I have knocked things over with my belly, along with flailing arms. I have nearly fallen off the porch at my parents house simply by trying to walk in through their... you know, that thing. I counted today, and I have tripped and fallen no less than four times. I have bruises on my arms legs and belly.

And all this because my belly button decided it wanted to move out and see the world.

I can't wait for it to grow lonely and move back in. I don't think my body can handle the bumps and bruises, our stomachs the floor flavored food, or the people around me the constant forgettence (I can't remember what word to put here so instead I made up my own. Really. I am not just doing this to prove a point. Besides, who says forgettence can't be a word?) of words.

Come back, little belly button, come back! I need you! I never knew what an important part of my well being and sanity you were. I promise I wont neglect you ever again just let me have my brain and my balance and grace back!

What about you? Does your belly button change your .... and I forgot the word again.

I was going to google some images of belly buttons, but got a lot of inapropriate pictures, so decided to leave it. Besides, everyone knows what innies and outies look like.

15 comments:

mub said...

Amy, you're so brave... I'd probably start having panic attacks if my belly button popped out!

Familia Morales said...

Ha ha! Amy, I love it! I always get a good laugh in when I read your blog. I've never had an outie belly button, wasn't too clumsy but my brain always went on vacation. Not quite sure how that works. It won't be too much longer before your brain and balance come back to greet you. Hang in there!

Chantel said...

TOO FUNNY!!! Being pregnant is hard and atleast you have that as an excuse. I'm clumsy and forgetful and my baby's 8 months old. Maybe if she'd sleep EVER I could quit trudging along like a zombie!!!

Em said...

haha, mine is on it's way out as we speaketh;-) in fact, after a big meal it inches out and after digestion, it pulls back in. it reminds me of a hermit crab, lol.

Emmy said...

I have had an innie/outie my whole life. It was technically an outtie, but I used to have a great stomach so it sunk in around the area so appeared innie like. During my first pregnancy near the end, my doctor told me "I was done" because my belly button had popped. And now.. well it's just an outtie :(

Capt'n Amazing's wife said...

Interesting thoughts. My navel is protruding a bit but not completely yet. It has gotten a little irritated and scabbed over. I saw some protruding belly button covers at the maternity store once. Apparently women everywhere feel very embarrassed when this happens to them.

Momisodes said...

You are hilarious.

I remember the last time my belly button popped out with my daughter. I really did not like looking at it. I also developed that dark line down my stomach to go with it. Not so pretty.

I'm not looking forward to it doing this all over again.

Capt'n Amazing's wife said...

Yeah I'm definitely more clumsy than normal. My sister told me to expect that. I don't know if it relates to the belly button for me or not but I'm always dropping stuff and making messes. I'd write you back on gmail but this computer doesn't like gmail very much.

Chris and Francisca Hakes said...

I'm so jealous... my belly never went out so the kids decided to smash my lungs and kick all my other vital organs all day long... yeah NO FUN!

Confessions From A Working Mom said...

Found your blog through one we both follow, and this post had me giggling the whole way through! I too was always very proud of my deep "innie" (so much so I got it pierced during my *rebel* years). When I got pregnant, it burst into an outie in the first **four months**... it's still not quite the same!

Congrats on your soon-to-be newest additon!

~Elizabeth
http://confessionsfromaworkingmom.blogspot.com

Noodle said...

you havea deep innie too... mine isat least an inch and a half in... it never poped out with either of my kids... johnny used to try and make it pop when we were really prego, but allias it stayed in, now i'm happy it did i don't have much brain power to lose!!!

Lara said...

Interesting theory you have. Except, all of those things happened to me while pregnant and I never lost my innie.

It flattened out a bit...okay, so it practically disappeared, but I don't think it is capable of being an outie. :)

Natasha said...

That's a hilarious hypothesis, and I think there might be something to it. A coworker of mine didn't lose her innie, but her brains fell out as soon as her pregnancy test came back positive.

Gail said...

Hahaha. That is too cute. I was all mish-mash with my first, but the second time round was just plain crazy. Phone in the fridge kind of thing.

Sue said...

I'm not going to tell you that after my fourth child, the innie never fully returned. I am now left with a half innie, half outie. Yes, it is a sad spectacle.

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