Dear ward members,
I have to apologize for your inability to concentrate during sacrament meeting yesterday. My child decided he was in serious need of attention and so did everything in his power to get that attention.
I most specifically have to apologize to the little boy behind us, and Jonathan the 13 month old in front of us. Keith is sorry for punching you in the eye. He really didn't mean to, it's just you were looking over the edge of the pew and he tried to reach up and say hi. The only problem is your cute little faces were right where he placed his hand. He really is sorry about that.
Also, everyone who was trying to pay attention and fill their souls with spirituality, we are sorry. I know that he was loud, and writhing around in the middle of the isle isn't exaclty the best way to practice reverence. For the people who needed to walk up and down the isle... I am dreadfully sorry. It just seems the isles were made specifically for rolling around in. Why else would it be there? At least that is what Keith reasons. We are working on that.
Mostly, I would like to apologize for Keith's potty mouth. Bishop, I promise we don't speak like that in our home. I promise we are not raising a hoodlum. You see, we like to read stories to him. I was reading him a story last week and one of the characters woke up. I told Keith that. He is going through a parrot phase and repeating everything he hears. Only he puts his own spin on it. So when you thought he was saying the F word, he really was saying "woke up!" He just likes to say an 'f' when he says 'w' and with this particular word he says 'uh' instead of 'oh'. And so the sound barrier that was broken as that blur rushed past you was just Jeffrey rushing our little potty mouth out right after the sacrament so he wouldn't drive the Spirit out any more.
In all honesty, you can't blame us. We are doing the best we can. I think all the blame goes to his bed. Yup, his new bed. See, we decided it was time to move Keith from the crib to the bed so it would be an easier transition for him and he would not feel ousted when his little sister took over the crib. The toddler bed is wonderful, it just doesn't force him to stay in his bed until he naps. His room is full of toys, and the temptation is too great. He does sleep, but not for nearly as long as he should. He is still just getting used to it.
We are trying to teach him new words so he will forget his favorite phrase of 'woke up!' and we are working on the reverence issue. Please accept our apology and next week we will sit right next to the door so we can rush out should there be anymore problems with words or anything else.