Sunday, June 25, 2017

Backwards Day

Snapchat with Vince
I read today that one way to increase creativity in writing is to write when groggy. Which is perfect, because it seems the only time I have to write is when I am dead tired! Does anyone know the secret to getting to bed on time?

The anthem of every mother, I suppose.

So, lets do this day backwards.  Seeing as how I just got the kids to bed. Just. I say at 10:33. Sigh. And this is even with turning down hyggelig with Keith. I felt terrible about that. I really wanted to. It has been such a long time since the boy and I have spent some one on one time together, but I just don't know how to fit it all in.

My mom called me tonight. She asked me to swing by her house and check on some things since she wasn't going to be home in time to do it. I left around 8, promised the kids that if they were asleep by the time I got home, I would take them for ice cream tomorrow. I got home a bit after 9, and no one was asleep. I had hoped, but I honestly didn't have high expectations. Because no one was there to force them. Because they are kids! I remember the very first time I stayed up all night because my parents were out of town. I was probably 15. It was exhilarating! And terrible. Did I mention how terrible? I was so tired, I couldn't handle it. My head hurt so much, but I had a point to prove! So I stayed up all night long. Because I could. Because I was a teenager, and that is how teen rebellion manifested itself in me.

Needless to say, no one was asleep. By the time we got ready for bed and had family prayer and got everyone into bed, it was well past 10. And all that was left was for the baby to be rocked to sleep. I love my time with him. I love the cuddles he gives. I love the way he gazes at me with those sapphire eyes and long black lashes. I love the trust and adoration in his eyes.

Snapchat with Vince

 I think the baby is teething. He has been exceptionally fussy the past few days, and has had a runny nose. It just clicked today that is what must be going on. I am excited for him to have molars, finally! I am not excited, however, for the arduous process of teething. He has it tougher than any of my other kids ever did. But we cuddled for a while after church. He sat on my lap, and absolutely loves snapchat, so we spent about 10 minutes making faces at the camera, and he is just the cutest little puppy dog that ever lived! He figured out that if he opens his mouth, he can make the doggy lick, and so he does that with every single filter they have!

Snapchat with Vince

Sundays are difficult for Vince. Naptime is at 11, and church starts at 11. Today Jeffrey stayed home. Our washer decided to stop functioning right when Jeffrey's clothes were in mid cycle, and so he quite literally had nothing to wear. I took the kids with me, which is never fun during Sacrament meeting. I asked them to pack the church bag today, and they really didn't plan ahead, so there was a whole bunch of "I'm bored" and running around (we were in the foyer because we were late), and I just wanted to pull my hair out! Rarely are they so ill behaved like they were today. Except Keith. He is an angel, and almost always well behaved. Except when he tries to cram in his weekly quota of teasing Beth. It is especially frustrating when he tries to cram that all into one day, which happens frequently. I don't know what it is about Beth, but Keith sure likes to tease her! But I digress. The kids were awfully wild, and then I was so relieved to send them to primary so I could rock Vince to sleep during Sunday School. Miracle of miracles, he actually fell asleep for all of Sunday School, which only happens every blue moon! I was teaching in Relief Society, for the second time in my life. I love teaching kids, but adults are just so intimidating! My dear friend Annie watched and played with Vince while I taught, and I feel like it went well! Or people are just really nice to me. Which I also know is true. But it did feel like it went well, which is such a relief. I had been so stressed out this weekend between being sick, not being able to attend, nor even help much with the freezer meals activity (this year's version of Super Saturday), and presenting my lesson. I am so relieved that it is all over. Everything just seemed to align perfectly to cause serious stress.  Not to mention the funeral for Jeffrey's uncle. Jeffrey didn't end up going, because it was in ID, 6 hours away and I had been sick, and he knew I had all of this stuff going on this weekend, and he had been under ridiculous amounts of pressure finishing up a project at work, that he decided to just stay home.

Good heavens I digressed there! My point was, Vince has a hard time sleeping at church, but it was such a tender mercy that he did so today, so that he was happy while I taught my lesson.

And that basically sums up my day, in reverse. The best part of it being Snapchat with Vinny. And that brings me back to now.

Please, if you know of any secrets to go get kids to bed quicker, I would love to hear them, because by 9 o'clock, I am beat!

Snapchat with Vince

Again, I am convinced this is a Mother's Anthem.

Friday, June 23, 2017

Humpty Dumpty

Oh dear. It has been an interesting day to say the least! I normally wouldn't want to mention this, but it has relevancy, so I am recording it nonetheless.  I didn't sleep well last night. I woke up in the middle of the night from a delightful dream about Mushacay. My friend Emily is there right now, paid for completely by Plexus. I'll talk about Plexus in a different post, but I am SO excited for her! Anyway, I have been dreaming about going and being there with her. It was a delightful dream, but I think I was annoyed at having been awakened, because I wasn't happy when I awoke. I just didn't feel right. A few hours later Vince woke up. I remember in my dream nudging Jeffrey a few times and telling him he had to get the baby. Of course, he didn't wake up. He never does. I fully awoke, and then realized that all was not right with my world. I had vertigo again. I told Jeffrey he absolutely had to get Vince, I just couldn't. He got up to get the baby, and I then spent the next couple of hours in the bathroom. The room was spinning, and I felt like a little kid on the merry-go-round again. Spinning until I got sick, and then getting up and spinning some more.

I was pretty sick. Vince just played on the bed, calling for me every few seconds, and Jeffrey went back to sleep. I finally was able to muster enough strength to drag myself to the edge of the bed, and I fell asleep again. And had basically been out for the rest of the morning. My kids were rock stars and completely fended for themselves without burning the house down! No one died or even got injured. It was awesome. I had spent quite a while trying to figure out what was going on with me, and what was the cause of this sudden onset of vertigo.

Last night I was talking to my friend and I mentioned how I felt completely depleted, like I had nothing left to give. I intimated that none of my regular escape methods were working, and I was just... empty. And then words that my mom has said to me several times over the past few months came back to me. If I am not taking care of myself, I cannot take care of others.

And now, the relevancy. Writing is one of those things that helps me. It is something I have found great joy in. Because of this, I am going to give a more concentrated effort to write every day. Because I need to do something, anything, to be able to fill my well every day. And there you have it.

Moving on to the the every day joy and dramatics.

As I was mustering up strength this morning, I heard some banging from the kitchen. A cracking sound. After a few minutes of listening to it, the sound registered in my brain.


Cracking eggs.

Humpty Dumpty, you know?

And Beth's cute little voice, singing while she worked.

All morning, she had been bringing me concoctions of who knows what. I could barely look at it to identify her masterpieces as I was so tired. Jeffrey came home for lunch, fed them, and banned Beth from the kitchen.

Yet, there she was, in the kitchen, cracking each and every single egg we had. Not cracking it all the way, not open, just cracking the egg. So I sent Keith in, and taught him how to make scrambled eggs.

From my command center. My bed.

And from my command center, I just laughed. Because really, it is quite funny. Beth thinks she is a chef, and I love that she expresses her creativity through cooking. Or making potions. Or rather, messes.

It will be nice to get my energy back, and get back to normal so I can help to intervene and direct her mess making... er, cooking.

Now to just find a new oven. Ours died 3 weeks ago.

But that's a story for another post.

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Psychiatry $1

*** Written May 29th ***